school: caiman

[shaft]

Comments

[headsplitter]

Okay, I guess! Bed's kinda small but it's actually pretty soft so I like it. Still no anti-spike pillows, though.

Waitin' for someone now, you?

[ Do the math, ]

[shaft]

[ caiman...... ]

Anti-spike pillows? What're those?

[headsplitter]

[ He points at his head. There's a couple of spikes that are just sticking out of special-made holes in the back of his mask. They're natural if Claude remembers from headchomp shenanigans. ]

Can't find a damn decent pillow that my head won't get stuck on every night.

[shaft]

[ Right... he hadn't thought about that. ]

If it's stuck to your head. That just means you won't lose it, right?

[headsplitter]

Would it be better that I didn't lose it than walking around with a pillow speared on my head like some idiot?!

[shaft]

You shouldn't worry so much what other people think. Think of it as being able to nap whenever you want.

[headsplitter]

But I'm ruining my pillow by poppin' it! They really should make pillows for lizard-headed people!

[ SUCH A NICHE MARKET. ]

[shaft]

Maybe you should try sleeping on your side. Or belly.

[ or on a rock like a real lizard ]

[headsplitter]

That's uncomfy though, I've got big shoulders! And sleeping on my stomach is just uncomfy period.

[ Choosing beggars. ]

[shaft]

Okay, well. It seems you have a lot to work out.

[ he holds out a mushroom ]

Do you want a snack?

[headsplitter]

A mushroom?

[ Oh. He holds up his hands. He looks... immensely troubled. ]

No thanks.

[shaft]

[ hmmm ]

You're not a fan of veggies?

[headsplitter]

[ Hrk -- ]

I like ohba! That's a leaf!

I just... don't care for mushrooms...

[ He makes a face... ]

I think?

[shaft]

[ Ohba? Did he just make something up. ]

Well, you won't know until you try. [ Still, he draws the mushroom back. ] But I'll warn you, this one made me a little sick.

[headsplitter]

Huh?!

Then why would you offer it to me if it made you sick! Don't poison me!

All mushrooms are just evil! I knew I sensed bad vibes, maybe I've got superpowers!

[shaft]

I asked you if you got sick, didn't I? [ hey!! ] I tested it on myself already, don't worry.

It just gave me an upset stomach.

[ (anna voice) it gives you the shits ]

[headsplitter]

Mushrooms suck. Try something better, like meat, and not stuff you find in gross dark places or wherever you found that thing!

[shaft]

Are you a carnivore?

[headsplitter]

That means only eating meat or whatever, right? I like ohba, and gyoza wrappings aren't exactly meat either, so... guess not!

[shaft]

[ He sighs. ]

All right. Well I suppose I can't force you. [ Because Caiman would crush him. ]

[headsplitter]

[ Bleeegh. ]

I just got out of my buddy being mind-controlled by a mushroom freak dude, nothing in the world's gonna get me to eat that ever again in my life.

[shaft]

Mind control mushrooms? [ whaa ] That actually makes a lot of sense.

[headsplitter]

Yeah, it was super creepy! Wasn't there to see it but apparently it grew out of her back and had a face and everything. [ Shoos the mushroom away. ] Doesn't make me all that hungry thinkin' about it.

[ This is why the shitpost you chose is actually the funniest, ]

[shaft]

Well, I'm sorry to hear that. I didn't mean to scare you.

[ he almost eats the mushroom himself before remembering that it gave him the shits ]

[headsplitter]

[ Claude your single braincell. ]

You got anythin' else that isn't mushrooms?