school: caiman

[shaft]

Comments

[shaft]

Okay, well. It seems you have a lot to work out.

[ he holds out a mushroom ]

Do you want a snack?

[headsplitter]

A mushroom?

[ Oh. He holds up his hands. He looks... immensely troubled. ]

No thanks.

[shaft]

[ hmmm ]

You're not a fan of veggies?

[headsplitter]

[ Hrk -- ]

I like ohba! That's a leaf!

I just... don't care for mushrooms...

[ He makes a face... ]

I think?

[shaft]

[ Ohba? Did he just make something up. ]

Well, you won't know until you try. [ Still, he draws the mushroom back. ] But I'll warn you, this one made me a little sick.

[headsplitter]

Huh?!

Then why would you offer it to me if it made you sick! Don't poison me!

All mushrooms are just evil! I knew I sensed bad vibes, maybe I've got superpowers!

[shaft]

I asked you if you got sick, didn't I? [ hey!! ] I tested it on myself already, don't worry.

It just gave me an upset stomach.

[ (anna voice) it gives you the shits ]

[headsplitter]

Mushrooms suck. Try something better, like meat, and not stuff you find in gross dark places or wherever you found that thing!

[shaft]

Are you a carnivore?

[headsplitter]

That means only eating meat or whatever, right? I like ohba, and gyoza wrappings aren't exactly meat either, so... guess not!

[shaft]

[ He sighs. ]

All right. Well I suppose I can't force you. [ Because Caiman would crush him. ]

[headsplitter]

[ Bleeegh. ]

I just got out of my buddy being mind-controlled by a mushroom freak dude, nothing in the world's gonna get me to eat that ever again in my life.

[shaft]

Mind control mushrooms? [ whaa ] That actually makes a lot of sense.

[headsplitter]

Yeah, it was super creepy! Wasn't there to see it but apparently it grew out of her back and had a face and everything. [ Shoos the mushroom away. ] Doesn't make me all that hungry thinkin' about it.

[ This is why the shitpost you chose is actually the funniest, ]

[shaft]

Well, I'm sorry to hear that. I didn't mean to scare you.

[ he almost eats the mushroom himself before remembering that it gave him the shits ]

[headsplitter]

[ Claude your single braincell. ]

You got anythin' else that isn't mushrooms?

[shaft]

[ he wants snackie ]

Inside the dorm, but... [ he wasn't really just here to give Caiman a snack. ] Do you want to come in?

[headsplitter]

[ You're so determined to feed him, Claude... fortunately Caiman is like either an animal or kid as long as food is involved, usually. ]

Can I? Haven't tried going into the other dorms yet.

[shaft]

I don't think it should be a problem.

[ So he'll let Caiman inside and into the common room! There are some snacks on the table, and Claude helps himself to one. ]

Is it similar to yours?

[headsplitter]

Not really! The layout is, the door's not any higher here I guess, but other than that... it's a lot more, uh, flowery here.

[ Befitting of being a Spring Dorm... Also sorry Spring Dorm this intruder is taking some of your food. ]

The temperature is different, too...?

[shaft]

Oh really? [ that's weird? ] Which dorm are you again?

[headsplitter]

Fall. It's got like, pumpkins and stuff and it's red.

[shaft]

That sounds relaxing—for a prison, this place certainly is comfortable.

[ though... ]

Can you fit on your bed?

[headsplitter]

This ain't a prison, it's a school.

[ Beat pause. And then more grumbly. ]

No but guess I'm used to that.

[shaft]

I think school and prison are very much one and the same for a lot of people.

[ the education system... ]

And maybe you should ask your dorm head about that. It seems a little unfair, just because you're taller.