[ Klaus isn't ready to open up about how the moment they released him from rehab, he met up with his dealer and ended up in the ambulance that night. It's what the paramedics always did. They probably knew him by name at this rate.
He's not ready to open up on how he opened a time traveling briefcase, hoping there was something to pawn on the inside and letting that device teleport him to the Vietnam War.
He's not ready to open up on how easily and hopeless he fell for someone when he knew damn well he shouldn't. It wasn't his timeline; he didn't need to get tangled up in it even further. He knew better, but let it happen because he was so desperate for any morsel of positive attention.
Klaus can only smile a little sadly from behind his device, but he seems fine as ever on text. ]
hey look i don't think it's you know very fair you're asking me all these questions and i can't ask questions about you so let me ask questions about you now that we're talking
oooh to be in my twenties again knowing what i know now that would be nice
i think i'm 34
[ How does this man not actually know ... ]
i'm a guy too and if you're going to be vague about it i'm gonna be even vaguer
my mansion but not the mansion i grew up in my new-new mansion from my sugar grandmama mansion in a time period that is not where i'm *originally* from
[ Somehow giving more detail makes it even more vague. ]
[ Goodie. He's got a lot of them when he's comfortable sharing them.. since most of them are just trauma or he can't remember them. His most recent three year excursion in the 1960's has been pretty good so far, accidental cult thing aside. ]
ohhhhh noooooo nononooooooo jumping through time that's my brother's forte i just end up at the wrong place at the wrong time as per usual
[ The briefcase put him in the A Shau Valley during the Vietnam War, then his brother's power dropped him in the year 1960. And now? He's here. Somehow. For whatever reason. He just rolls with it. ]
i know i remind u of someone butt i need you to not rely on me for anything it isn't a good idea
unless unlessssssss it has to do with anything sexual
i'm like the kink guru or if you wanna throw a hella sweet orgy i can give u tips
[ And, he supposes, if Claude had any questions about ghosts and death. But he finds his power pretty useless in comparison to the rest of his family, so he doesn't talk about it too much. ]
[ Klaus is very sweet, but he doesn't need to worry about Claude relying on him. Byleth is an outlier, and shouldn't be counted in any real observations due to her special snowflake self-insert protagonist status.
Anyway, Claude is wildly curious about how someone can slip through timelines simply by being in the wrong place at the wrong time (also, what kind of powers does his brother have??), but he can understand the benefits of a deft hand. ]
Thankfully I was spared that square on my card. It's a little too arduous for my taste. [ Claude is a lazy lover. ]
Is sexual counsel your primary talent then? You'll do quite well here.
[ His primary talent is speaking to spirits and as of late it's been able to manifest them, but that's only because he's been sober for three years (yes, despite the nonsense that comes out of his mouth.) Also, he seems to have a tendency to be rejected by the afterlife, having died several times already. Paramedics gonna paramedic, but God didn't seem to like him very much either. It wouldn't be surprising if he has some immortality gift, but if that's so, even Klaus doesn't know that. ]
yes it is but even better my main talent is being a participant so if u ever need a partner holla
[ He doesn't even know what this guy looks like, but he's that lost in life it doesn't really matter. ]
i also make a hella pbnj pancake taco stoner food u will want to keep me around i promise don't kick me out before mornniiiinngggg like they always do u will regret it and will have no pbnj pancake taco for urself
maybe it was all the talk about bees and i seemed annoying
or i wanted to leave the light on when we slept cuz otherwise the ghosts would get me
[ Which is something he didn't hallucinate. The ghosts were in fact, real, and when your power allows you to talk to them, what does your guardian do? Lock you in a mausoleum for six hours until you're not scared of them anymore, which never worked. Just gave you trauma. Thanks, Dad. ]
idk people find reasons i'm sure they're valid reasons
[ He also doesn't think ~the first time~ is anything significant. He's not a virgin, but he's just never had a reason to stick around after he's slept with someone—he's far more comfortable in his own space than the arms of a fling.
But he won't bother refuting it. It might make it seem like an invitation. ]
There's a store that's been built here that might have the ingredients you're looking for. Though something tells me you might prefer banging them into existence instead.
how did you KNOW yes i do prefer banging usually over everything else
besides validation
[ Help. ]
you know me so well already i will look at this place and see if it has what i need and if it does you bet your ass i'm gonna take you to pbnj pancake taco flavo town so many of them you won't know what to do about it
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
And what actually happened was?
no subject
they got stuck together
but then i had an allergic reaction to the glue
so i couldn't breathe out of my nose AND i was breaking out
but no bees got in
so
🎊
[ No bees got in cause he hallucinated the bees, but it was very, very important at the time. ]
no subject
You should be careful not to rack up any other regrets like that, friend.
no subject
[ Klaus isn't ready to open up about how the moment they released him from rehab, he met up with his dealer and ended up in the ambulance that night. It's what the paramedics always did. They probably knew him by name at this rate.
He's not ready to open up on how he opened a time traveling briefcase, hoping there was something to pawn on the inside and letting that device teleport him to the Vietnam War.
He's not ready to open up on how easily and hopeless he fell for someone when he knew damn well he shouldn't. It wasn't his timeline; he didn't need to get tangled up in it even further. He knew better, but let it happen because he was so desperate for any morsel of positive attention.
Klaus can only smile a little sadly from behind his device, but he seems fine as ever on text. ]
hey look
i don't think it's
you know
very fair you're asking me all these questions and i can't ask questions about you
so let me ask questions about you now that we're talking
claudia
no subject
[ But will he answer? Remains to be seen... ]
no subject
it's kind of your fault that you caught my interest
i'll start with an easy one
asl?
[ Then, a second text: ]
it means age, sex, location
[ He's caught on that not everyone is from the same time period or universe. ]
guess location can be where you're from instead
no subject
Hah, you're more clinical than I expected. But I won't complain.
23, male, my bedroom.
Can I ask you the same?
[ Meaning that he was plucked from his bed. ]
no subject
[ He guesses?? ]
oooh to be in my twenties again knowing what i know now
that would be nice
i think i'm 34
[ How does this man not actually know ... ]
i'm a guy too
and if you're going to be vague about it i'm gonna be even vaguer
my mansion
but not the mansion i grew up in
my new-new mansion
from my sugar grandmama
mansion
in a time period that is not where i'm *originally* from
[ Somehow giving more detail makes it even more vague. ]
no subject
Oh? It sounds like jumping through time is par for the course for you. In some strange way you remind me of someone I used to rely on.
[ Purely due to time shenanigans, Byleth would never speak this much. ]
Is it a habit of yours to hop across timelines?
no subject
ohhhhh noooooo nononooooooo
jumping through time
that's my brother's forte
i just end up at the wrong place at the wrong time
as per usual
[ The briefcase put him in the A Shau Valley during the Vietnam War, then his brother's power dropped him in the year 1960. And now? He's here. Somehow. For whatever reason. He just rolls with it. ]
i know i remind u of someone butt
i need you to not rely on me for anything
it isn't a good idea
unless
unlessssssss
it has to do with anything sexual
i'm like the kink guru
or if you wanna throw a hella sweet orgy
i can give u tips
[ And, he supposes, if Claude had any questions about ghosts and death. But he finds his power pretty useless in comparison to the rest of his family, so he doesn't talk about it too much. ]
no subject
Anyway, Claude is wildly curious about how someone can slip through timelines simply by being in the wrong place at the wrong time (also, what kind of powers does his brother have??), but he can understand the benefits of a deft hand. ]
Thankfully I was spared that square on my card. It's a little too arduous for my taste. [ Claude is a lazy lover. ]
Is sexual counsel your primary talent then? You'll do quite well here.
no subject
Also, he seems to have a tendency to be rejected by the afterlife, having died several times already. Paramedics gonna paramedic, but God didn't seem to like him very much either. It wouldn't be surprising if he has some immortality gift, but if that's so, even Klaus doesn't know that. ]
yes it is
but even better
my main talent is being a participant
so
if u ever need a partner
holla
[ He doesn't even know what this guy looks like, but he's that lost in life it doesn't really matter. ]
i also
make a hella pbnj pancake taco
stoner food
u will want to keep me around
i promise
don't kick me out before mornniiiinngggg like they always do
u will regret it and will have no pbnj pancake taco for urself
no subject
Anyway, he's not exactly a prude, but he is shallow... What if Klaus ends up not being a pretty face? He can't commit to sleeping with him. ]
How cruel of your partners to force you to leave.
It's not like you did anything untoward, is it?
no subject
maybe it was all the talk about bees
and i seemed annoying
or i wanted to leave the light on when we slept cuz otherwise the ghosts would get me
[ Which is something he didn't hallucinate. The ghosts were in fact, real, and when your power allows you to talk to them, what does your guardian do?
Lock you in a mausoleum for six hours until you're not scared of them anymore, which never worked. Just gave you trauma. Thanks, Dad. ]
idk
people find reasons
i'm sure they're valid reasons
[
u wouldn't do that to me
would u
claudey boy
no subject
I could very well have a low tolerance for all the things you mentioned.
[ That said, he still wouldn't kick Klaus out.
He would just leave. ]
1/2
huh
you know... i think god said something like that to me
but actually she wasn't as polite about it as you are
well
i think it was god
i'm agnostic
so
no subject
you know what though
i'm going to bang some ingredients into existence
and i'll make you a pbnj pancake taco
no sex required
just cuz i want to
can't have you ruining your first ~*entire night next to someone*~ with someone like me
no subject
[ He also doesn't think ~the first time~ is anything significant. He's not a virgin, but he's just never had a reason to stick around after he's slept with someone—he's far more comfortable in his own space than the arms of a fling.
But he won't bother refuting it. It might make it seem like an invitation. ]
There's a store that's been built here that might have the ingredients you're looking for. Though something tells me you might prefer banging them into existence instead.
no subject
how did you KNOW
yes
i do prefer banging
usually over everything else
besides validation
[ Help. ]
you know me so well already
i will look at this place and see if it has what i need and if it does
you bet your ass i'm gonna take you to pbnj pancake taco flavo town
so many of them
you won't know what to do about it
no subject
My stunning intellect knows no bounds.
But all right, I'm looking forward to it. Consider my expectations raised.
no subject
so so stunning 😘
i can't wait to become ur favorite cook, herr claudia
[ He still thinks that's his name, but you know. ]