[Getting his apartment in better order worked as a distraction from... everything that had happened. For awhile, at least. Eventually Lorenz has nothing more he can really do without assistance and that leaves him with far too much time to think himself into circles or, worse, corners. Second guessing and questioning every single thing that's happened in the last few weeks doesn't help anything though.
When he's pretty sure he's going to drive himself mad he finally tucks a marker into the book he'd been attempting to read, drapes the long floral dressing gown he'd gotten from the stupid resort over his shoulders, and slips down the hall to Claude and Hilda's apartment. He's been so busy of late he's hardly been over at all and finds himself knocking for the first time in ages. Maybe a distraction will stop him from feeling so much like he wants to crawl out of his skin.
Maybe just being around other people he knows, and more importantly knows are safe, knows where he stands with, will quiet the unsettling pit that's grown in his stomach. As long as no one minds him just inserting himself into their day to day activities. Again.]
[ The apartment is quiet when Lorenz knocks, with Hilda in her room chatting to someone or another and Claude settled in the kitchen setting a cup which formerly housed tea in the sink. (To wash… later.) He's fairly awake despite the hour, looking alert when he opens the door, surprised to see Lorenz on the other side.
It doesn't take a genius to sense that something is amiss almost immediately, but Claude still doesn't stop himself from making a wry comment, ] You knock now?
[ He cocks his head in a show of amusement, smiling as he steps aside to let Lorenz inside.
There's a towel around his neck that he lifts up as he follows Lorenz toward the beat up little couch that graces their apartment, rubbing it through his damp hair—evidence of a shower. (Well, "shower" is a very generous term. It's closer to bathing with a bucket.) ]
[Lorenz rolls his eyes but the exasperation is more habit than genuine by now, following Claude into the living room without so much as a glance at the state of the apartment.]
It seemed prudent, given- [That he'd been busy doing other things. Keeping people safe, or at least trying to. Getting himself into trouble time and again. Hiding from anyone that had been involved with any of it.... and in the time he's been away it seems he's finally rid himself of those accursed cat ears that he'd had since day one.
That's a good thing, right?]
Don't be so formal. [Almost snappish and he closes his eyes, tugging the housecoat tighter around himself.] Usually I'm telling you the opposite. Sorry I-
Can I... sit with you? [Oh if he felt like a fool before, writing that letter, now it is about a million times worse. That same vulnerability but now with something much more raw underneath. It's stupid and shameful, relying so heavily on others, but he can't bear to be by himself right now.] Just for a little while.
[ It's easy enough to tell from Lorenz' behaviour that something is amiss, but Claude doesn't launch into an interrogation. They've never been the types to bare their souls to one another, but he has confidence that Lorenz would start talking when he's ready.
He keeps a peaceable demeanour as he perches on the armrest of the couch, heels sinking into the soft cushions. ]
Of course. Have I ever stopped you before?
[ He gestures to the couch as if it were a grand spread to be enjoyed, but his expression is more soft than teasing. ]
[Really Claude? Would it kill you to sit on the couch like a normal human being? Would it?
But Lorenz doesn't even say anything, just rolling his eyes, breathing out a soft huff before he sinks into the couch himself. When they've talked before, or even just been in the same space he's always leaned against the opposite arm. Comfortable but not too close, not encroaching on Claude's space.
This time he sits beside Claude, curled against one leg since he insists on sitting like a heathen, leaning his head against the other's knee. Is he alright? He's not entirely sure. Terrified out of his wits, perhaps but-]
I will be... [He's not even looking at Claude but he still holds a faint smile, as though there is, as ever, an audience to appease. Or maybe this time he's just holding onto that fragile veneer for his own sanity.] I just had something a bit unsettling happen. I'm overreacting, doubtlessly.
[Because nothing actually happened so why is he so upset over all of this?]
[ Claude tenses for a moment, eyebrows shooting up when Lorenz settles in so close, leaning on him in a way that he isn't used to, but he relaxes soon enough, attention latching onto Lorenz' response as a small frown settles over his mouth.
It should be hard to top being abducted and transported to another dimension as far as "unsettling events" go, but considering the past few weeks... Between the Mothman and the strange events of the hot springs, he could believe easily that something unpleasant might've happened. ]
It's been a strange couple of weeks.
[ He runs a hand through his hair to comb it down, but keeps his gaze on Lorenz, watching him carefully. ]
[A huff of breath, somewhere between a laugh and a scoff, escapes him and he glances up at Claude. It's really too quick of a look to really take in anything about his expression. He's being horribly selfish, perhaps, but he doesn't want to know if there's some sort of... judgement there, disapproval, something.]
Strange... that is certainly an understatement.
[He'd been a snake for most of a day, for Flames' sake.
But that question was one he hadn't really considered himself until it was posed. A thoughtful hum, lips thinning as he presses them together, a small tell when he doesn't have a satisfactory answer for something. Finally just an awkward little half shrug.]
No. I... needed to not be alone for a little while.
[To stop chasing the endless circling thoughts that didn't have, nor could they have, a proper answer. A distraction, someone to lean on that he didn't have to wonder if it was some stupid thing the island was doing to him.]
[ That's a simple enough wish to grant, and Claude's fingers steadily inch down his thigh so that he can briefly run them through Lorenz' hair. It feels stilted and awkward to him, not one to usually offer up gestures like it, but he's not the guarded boy from the Academy anymore, and he should starting like it.
He's the one who always said a leader is responsible for the morale of his people. Not that he's the leader of anything nowadays.
So he doesn't press the issue, accepting Lorenz' answer for what it is, nose crinkling as he teases him, ] Well, if you wanted a slumber party, you should've said so.
[ He cants his head back toward Hilda's room, contemplative. ]
But trying to peel Hilda out of her room might make our ears ring [ with complaints ] so you might have to settle for just me.
[Claude might think it's awkward but that small gesture of comfort bleeds out so much of the tension coiled up in him. Some confirmation that he's not asking too much of Claude. Though at the teasing he lifts his head, reaching up to nudge Claude's other knee, flashing him a scathing look.
Don't you mock him. Even if it does earn him a grudging smile. Why must it be so very difficult to stay mad at this fool?]
Let her keep herself occupied for once lest she start making demands of us. [An eye roll but a similarly fond and exasperated look towards her door. Then, softly, a touch more serious. He might complain and nit pick but he does enjoy spending time with him. They're friends, even if he's a brat about it.]
[ It's easier to relax once Lorenz doesn't flinch away or make the gesture any more awkward than Claude is already being, and he warms up to the contact, toying with the strands of hair, soft and smooth against the rough pads of his fingers. ]
That's true. [ He agrees readily enough, eyes brightening as something occurs to him. ] After all, you get to be the first one to test—
[ He cuts off there, on purpose for drama, sliding off the couch and padding further into the apartment to his room, emerging a few seconds later with a wooden square and trinkets. This time he plops down on the couch right next to Lorenz, shoulder to shoulder and thigh to thigh, as he balances his prize on his knees.
It's a board game, of sorts, a twisting path crudely carved into the wooden block, and the pieces simple in design and pattern. ]
I've been missing having something to play, so I went ahead and designed something myself. I'll explain.
[ It's dumb and too convoluted for a board game C: ]
[Oh Flames, Claude, what have you done now? He's half expecting some sort of poison or other strange concoction. And he might be the tiniest bit sulky about losing the grounding contact of fingers in his hair.
Once he actually sees what Claude's brought back to the couch, though, he actually lifts a hand to politely stifle a laugh of absolute delight.]
You made a game?! [Stupid genius being brilliant. Not only is it incredibly impressive in and of itself, it is an instantly successful distraction from the circling thoughts that have been weighing on him for days now.
Of course it's far too convoluted but Lorenz will do his absolute best to keep up.]
It's not like I had anything else particularly important to take up my time.
[ For someone who was used to the constant drum of war and politics, it's been an adjustment to have so much free time.
Not that he's complaining, but sometimes he needs something to keep his mind occupied so he doesn't go insane.
Hence this little project. He's got his attention on it right now, placing special tiles on the board in specific places, the player pieces shuffled in a corner for now as he sets it up. ]
It's a cooperative game. [ He explains, smiling wryly. ] As much as I enjoy the competition of chess, I thought it would be a good thing to work on my collaborative skills. I was a little inspired by this place, to be honest. As troubling as this island is, I never thought I'd see a place where people from entirely different worlds could all live together.
[ It would be kind of a dream if not for the fact that they'd all been semi-kidnapped and forced to fuck. Still, he's not above acknowledging the positives.
Once he's set up, he looks back at Lorenz. ]
Anyway, because it's cooperative, it means that it's the players—us—versus the board. We're trying to traverse the board to reach our goal, and if we land on a tile, it will provide a boon or a disadvantage. Each piece has a different strength and weakness, but it's a lot to remember so I'll explain as we play.
[ Basically, he's made a rudimentary version of Fire Emblem the board game. ]
Come now, you're far better at collaborating than I am.
[Lorenz that's not... hard.
Still the fact that Claude has been so inspired by the cooperation here is, honestly, really touching. He's been having trouble seeing any positives, especially recently, but Claude has a good point. This sort of thing is precisely what he's hoped for, isn't it? Flames, this would have been an impossible ideal in Fodlan. All three leaders agreeing to work together, to peace.
While Claude gets the board set up Lorenz takes a moment to just lean into his shoulder, a little shift to offer some small gesture of support.]
It sounds like you're going to need to make a rule book. [Because of course he's already fussing over the rules. Lorenz is the type of person to memorize the rules before he ever even touches the board. But... alright. They're just... going to wing it.]
Goodness, though. Perhaps if you'd come up with this ages ago we might have been able to forego some of our own hmm- collaborative disagreements.
[A gentle tease, poking a little fun at himself as much as Claude. Knowing now that everything worked out in the end it's so much easier to look back at some of their spats and acknowledge how ridiculous he was being, without all those worries weighing on him.]
Oh, I will. [ Mostly for his own reference. It's kind of fun to just watch others try and puzzle things out on their own, but Claude will write things down and re-work them. ] I haven't done a test run with anyone else though, so this should help me work out the kinks.
[ He doesn't have a table, so he balances the board on his knees as he gives Lorenz a player piece to take. ]
So, about each piece...
[ The rules easily and with enthusiasm off his tongue, demeanour for once not mischievous or calculating, but just genuinely pleased and excited. It's not how he'd framed his interests in the past, with a note of challenge as if he was expecting to earn a roll of the eyes or huff of exasperation. He doesn't expect Lorenz to meet him with anything but an open-mind—a miracle considering where they'd started.
And he's softened, without the background of war, tensions at the border and a fight for the throne looming in the future, there are no conflicts for Claude to be wary of, not as much reason for him to keep his guard up.
So he explains, putting pieces on the board, leaving some mechanics unsaid until the situation arises, and they play. It's different, without the antagonism of the board games that Claude is used to, reminiscent of the war meetings and pouring over maps and resource listings. But considerably more fun without the knowledge that lives are on the line.
They progress, and they're not half bad as a combination, though Claude tweaks the rules to make the flow of play a little better and—okay, he does want to win. It's his game and he can do what he wants. But it's not a given, and he still watches the last die roll with a baited breath and when their little party of two reaches the goal it feels good.
He can't help the cheer that bursts out of him, disrupting the careful balance of the board on his lap, and he smacks Lorenz' shoulder hard. ]
Lorenz Hellman Gloucester, you mad man. [ It actually feels like they've achieved something, and not just traversed across a 30 centimetre board. ] We did it! So?
[ He leans, chin close to settling on Lorenz' shoulder, expression smug and waiting to be compliment. ]
[The game is a bit precarious, what with trying to play across Claude's lap, but it is surprisingly comfortable even if there's a couple times that Lorenz has to put a hand under the board so he doesn't upset it. Leaning over it isn't going to increase the likelihood if a favorable roll but he can't help it.
Claude's enthusiasm is infectious, as it has always been, but the fact that he seems to be genuinely enjoying himself whenever Lorenz looks up from the board is far more satisfying than any game could ever be. It suits him, this freedom, the opportunity to be unburdened finally. As much as he enjoys the game, though, watching Claude work through problems that he's inflicted on himself is positively fascinating. At least now that the only stakes are a couple of squares.
In the end, though he obviously wants to win, he's more invested in it for Claude's sake. Winning means they did things right and also that his clever little game is a success. It might be a bit rough around the edges but Claude has clearly put a lot of work into it. It would be a tragedy if it didn't end up working out.
The last roll is too much, though. Too much suspense and if it doesn't work out he'd be just as devastated as Claude. So while Claude watches with baited breath Lorenz looks away, not daring to watch the dice fall. Of course their victory is clear enough by Claude's response, the swat to his shoulder startles him, one hand coming up to the spot with a slight wince even though he's laughing. He pins Claude's hand in place though, just in case he gets any more ideas about smacking him again because that kind of stung!?]
You're the mad one! [Half laughed, turning his head to look at Claude and abruptly realizing just how close he is. His smile softens, gradually. From beaming to something a bit gentler, earnest and fond and just possibly with the slightest blush rising to his cheeks. Goodness but he is awfully close.]
[ Claude accepts the praise without complaint, smiling even as the initial rush of victory steadily fades into a pleased hum. It's in the quiet that he notices that Lorenz seems to be in better spirits now than when he'd first arrived, features soft and pleased, without the airs around him that he usually wears, half genuine and half, Claude suspects, for show.
He thinks the change in mood might be because of him, and it strikes something happy in his chest. A feeling that's good enough that it hurts, squeezing tight around his heart. It shouldn't be anything new for him, always considerate of morale when he'd been a leader, but that hadn't been a personal investment. It was his duty, and it was to ensure that the troops were focused and spirited as the battles waged on.
This, the only benefit was Lorenz' own happiness and peace of mind. This time, he cares because he cares about Lorenz. His friend.
It's kind of lovely to think about.
He squeezes the shoulder that he'd smacked originally, shifting back so that he can gather the pieces of the game and set it aside, legs releasing the tension they'd been holding to keep the board completely still. ]
I know. I've always been gifted.
[ He answer comes in a snobby tone, not his own voice, nose in the air, but the facade quickly cracks back into a smile, gentler this time. ]
Happy to see you in better spirits too, my friend.
[The faux haughtiness is so out of place on Claude that Lorenz is laughing again before he can help himself. Then it's Claude's turn to get a swat to his shoulder. Don't think he doesn't know precisely who you're imitating with that, sir!
It's hard not to realize, now like this, playful and laughing and lighter than he's felt in so many years, that this is what friendship means for most people. Just being able to be with someone and enjoy yourself. No masks, no etiquette or worries of propriety, no keeping himself apart so he can assess the usefulness of another person.
Has he ever been able to do that before? To not have that nagging voice in the back of his mind reminding him of each little faux pas, the constant demand for perfection? It means more to him than he'd realized.]
Well, it's quite difficult to be dour after such a resounding victory!
[Lorenz links their arms together, something to demonstrate his fondness without, hopefully, mucking things up with his stupid rambling words again. Instead he sticks to a simple, heart-felt]
[ The proximity and gratitude are both received with a bright grin, something pleasant and easy, without the shadow of war and secrets clouding the back of his mind. If nothing else, at least this island have taught Claude how to be at ease and to lessen his suspicions.
To realize that maybe the people in his life are there for more than just success in battle.
He slumps back into the couch, excitement fading into a boneless relaxation, shoulder pushed up against Lorenz' and his head lolling toward him. ]
You're most welcome. I'm glad you seemed to enjoy yourself, maybe I'll make some tweaks and we can play again.
Tweaks or no, we're most certainly playing again. Sooner, rather than later I should hope.
[Ah but it is decidedly unfair that Claude should smile at him like that, certainly not now after all the embarrassing truths from well... weeks ago now. He's quite certain his heart hasn't gone all fluttery over one of his smiles since they were teenagers. Goddess help him.
Seeing Claude so genuinely happy is just... enough to make him melt, despite himself.]
You're only just now realizing that? [Another tease and Lorenz lets himself rock a little further than that nudge warranted just so he has the excuse to nudge him in return, a playful challenge in the arch of his brow. But once again he's forced to acknowledge just how close Claude is. He doesn't intend to do it, immediately scolds himself for it, but his gaze drops briefly from those lovely green eyes down to the breathtaking smile on his lips.
No, he should absolutely not throw complications into this. Just enjoy the company and the moment. And perhaps there's some part of him that needs to push so that he is allowed to have some small amount of control, just as he'd told Claude before. But in that moment it, honestly, feels like it would be too easy. Natural, even. To just lean in-]
Claude... I- [Barely a whisper, some attempt maybe to search for an excuse for himself. Claude's trust is such a fragile thing and he doesn't want to damage what little of it he has but even Lorenz Hellman Gloucester's willpower is only so strong. There's plenty of time for Claude to put distance between them again, to reclaim his space if that's what he wants to do.
If he stays, though, Lorenz will allow himself just the barest brush of lips, hardly more than he'd been able to force himself to do up in the mountains. Only now, because he wants to.]
[ It feels easy like this. Lorenz slipping in his space, natural and familiar, features that Claude had seen hardened by war and softened by loss in equal parts. He's not naive enough not to see Lorenz' intent, calculate the rapidly fading distance between them until his eyes are slipping shut to meet the softest press of lips against his own.
It feels— different. Not like kissing anyone else, strangers who didn't know him, where he didn't need to weigh the importance of their history and relationship in one hand, and the brightness of something physical in the other. He'd been wary when Lorenz had first proposed this between them, too aware of his hesitance and fear, and unable to understand how he should manage it. It hung over him, heavy on his shoulders despite how easy it would've been to accept all that Lorenz had offered. But he doesn't feel it now.
Does he think that they would've arrived here, if not for the forces of this island? No. But that doesn't mean they're acting under duress now.
Though perhaps he should make sure. ]
Hm. [ He hums thoughtfully as he draws away, expression warm but revealing nothing as he meets Lorenz' eyes. ] So your true motives reveal themselves.
[ A slow grin spreads over his features, one hand lifting up to flick the space where his old cat ears would be. ]
Losing your ears has made you bold, Count Gloucester.
[That first tease has his cheeks flushing scarlet and he ducks his head a little even as he gives Claude an arch look, bordering on disapproval. But as much as he complains about Claude's ability to fluster or rile him up in an instant he wouldn't have it any other way. So perhaps they wouldn't have ended up here precisely but... he'd be lying if he said he'd have minded it if they did.
Foolish... but true.
The comment about the cat ears, though. That has a brief flicker of that same weight to his gaze that he'd had when he arrived, the refusal to meet his eyes something darker for that moment. It's a reminder that has him answering a bit more seriously.]
Perhaps it did. [He feels a bit absurd, the way his heart pounds in his chest, too nervous to actually do more than hover in Claude's space, silently hoping for an invitation to remain there.
Another fleeting glance down to the other man's mouth and then up again, brow furrowed slightly as he waits, watches, about as sure of Claude's response as he had been of the dice moments before and just as anxious. But dice were simple and straightforward to read. Claude was an enigma, handsome and clever and such an enticing mystery that he didn't dare look away, lest he miss some key component that might give him more of an indication of where Claude really stood in all of this.]
Maybe it's just been too long since I've seen you smile like this.
[If he's to be accused of boldness he may as well be just that. Though, not quite so bold as to reach for him the way he wants to. It's true though. Even now, knowing how different his smiles were then the closest he can think of... what? The dance? Before everything had really gone to pieces?
For the Professor.]
Edited (post-headache Lorenz insisted on being romantic sorry lol) 2020-11-05 06:31 (UTC)
[ The response catches him off guard, sly smile breaking into surprise for a moment, blinking at Lorenz and mind suddenly veering down another track, trying to decipher what may have led Lorenz to such a conclusion.
He hadn't realized that he was so easy to read, or that anyone had been watching carefully enough, and he's not entirely sure how he feels about it. He's always been clumsy when it came to honesty, offering what he could after careful consideration and practice. It's not natural or easy for him to be open, or to let others see him, and the idea alone still causes an instinctual flare of concern.
He muscles past it, features settling into a disbelieving smile. ]
Lorenz... [ On second thought, maybe he still doesn't know what to say. It would be too callous to laugh and answer with a joke, but to be honest and admit to a façade would take divine intervention.
So he huffs a laugh. ]
I wasn't aware that my emotions were such an open book to you. What else can you see?
[The fact that he hesitates so much before responding slowly has Lorenz' face flushing a little darker. Goddess why did he always turn into such a fool around anyone he felt any kind of affection for?! He knew enough to know that sentimentality is not something Claude deals with so why the sappy line?
Because he was a poetic fool through and through no matter how much he desperately tried to keep that buried in pages of a journal no one would ever see.
He's embarrassed enough before Claude goes and... and- winks at him. Especially when they're still leaning into one another's space. Or... were. Because he will always be sensitive to Claude's teasing. So he pulls back, face flushed a deep enough scarlet that his cheeks ache, one hand lifting helplessly as though there were anyway to hide his embarrassment. He shakes his head a little, trying to fumble back to the good humor he was abruptly terrified of losing.]
Nothing, really. [Because he cannot offer any words that would answer that last question better than his face already has. Clearly he understands the lasciviousness of it, though there's a fair bit of mockery by his reasoning as well.] Claude... if you're an open book then it's a book written in a language I don't even know the characters for.
[There's more, right there on the tip of his tongue. All I know is that it's beautiful. Foolish and romantic and the absolutely last thing he should say. So he swallows it down, lips pressing into a wry smile and a shake of his head. He's a helpless mess, that's really all there is to it.]
[ That's probably true, but it's not Lorenz' fault. As much as Claude cares for his comrades, there's parts of himself that he can never share. Truths that make him question whether or not he would still have their trust and loyalty if they knew his secrets, and that builds a distance that neither of them can bridge.
Even though he trusts them, and values them. ]
I suppose as I've matured I have gained an air of mystery. [ He strokes his chin, determined to keep the atmosphere lighthearted. ] It's just part of growing from a boy into a man...
[ Setting his arm on the back of the couch, he rests his head on his fist as he smiles. He wishes, futilely, that he could show Lorenz the same genuine emotion that he receives, but it's not in his nature to be honest and open. So against all of the instincts that he'd developed throughout his life, that had bred him into the survivor that he is now. ]
I thought it was part of my charm. Just like your tendency to fluff up your feathers at the smallest provocation.
[Lorenz would never expect that kind of openness from Claude. He'd... well. He'd settle for his attempts at being genuine, instead of a pompous brat, not getting him laughed at. It does make it so very difficult to speak more openly about things, even if he may want to sometimes.
Claude twists to lean on the back of the couch and Lorenz allows himself to do the same, though he leans into it more, resting his cheek on his folded arm and stretching out a bit as though it were more fainting couch than actual couch. It leaves him looking up at Claude for once too and maybe that just makes it easier to hide if -when- he missteps again.
As foolish as he feels, though..... he wants to stay here in Claude's space, watching him, curious and cautious in equal measure. Everything is so different here that there are a lot of pieces of the man brought out that he's never seen before.]
It is. Charming, I mean.
[A huff, half laugh and half scoff, tilting his face into the bend of his elbow, embarrassed all over again.]
There's nothing charming about... over reacting to everything. I- I can't help it, though. Despite how much I do try, believe it or not.
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When he's pretty sure he's going to drive himself mad he finally tucks a marker into the book he'd been attempting to read, drapes the long floral dressing gown he'd gotten from the stupid resort over his shoulders, and slips down the hall to Claude and Hilda's apartment. He's been so busy of late he's hardly been over at all and finds himself knocking for the first time in ages. Maybe a distraction will stop him from feeling so much like he wants to crawl out of his skin.
Maybe just being around other people he knows, and more importantly knows are safe, knows where he stands with, will quiet the unsettling pit that's grown in his stomach. As long as no one minds him just inserting himself into their day to day activities. Again.]
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It doesn't take a genius to sense that something is amiss almost immediately, but Claude still doesn't stop himself from making a wry comment, ] You knock now?
[ He cocks his head in a show of amusement, smiling as he steps aside to let Lorenz inside.
There's a towel around his neck that he lifts up as he follows Lorenz toward the beat up little couch that graces their apartment, rubbing it through his damp hair—evidence of a shower. (Well, "shower" is a very generous term. It's closer to bathing with a bucket.) ]
How can I help you?
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It seemed prudent, given- [That he'd been busy doing other things. Keeping people safe, or at least trying to. Getting himself into trouble time and again. Hiding from anyone that had been involved with any of it.... and in the time he's been away it seems he's finally rid himself of those accursed cat ears that he'd had since day one.
That's a good thing, right?]
Don't be so formal. [Almost snappish and he closes his eyes, tugging the housecoat tighter around himself.] Usually I'm telling you the opposite. Sorry I-
Can I... sit with you? [Oh if he felt like a fool before, writing that letter, now it is about a million times worse. That same vulnerability but now with something much more raw underneath. It's stupid and shameful, relying so heavily on others, but he can't bear to be by himself right now.] Just for a little while.
[But who is he trying to reassure with that?]
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He keeps a peaceable demeanour as he perches on the armrest of the couch, heels sinking into the soft cushions. ]
Of course. Have I ever stopped you before?
[ He gestures to the couch as if it were a grand spread to be enjoyed, but his expression is more soft than teasing. ]
Are you all right?
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But Lorenz doesn't even say anything, just rolling his eyes, breathing out a soft huff before he sinks into the couch himself. When they've talked before, or even just been in the same space he's always leaned against the opposite arm. Comfortable but not too close, not encroaching on Claude's space.
This time he sits beside Claude, curled against one leg since he insists on sitting like a heathen, leaning his head against the other's knee. Is he alright? He's not entirely sure. Terrified out of his wits, perhaps but-]
I will be... [He's not even looking at Claude but he still holds a faint smile, as though there is, as ever, an audience to appease. Or maybe this time he's just holding onto that fragile veneer for his own sanity.] I just had something a bit unsettling happen. I'm overreacting, doubtlessly.
[Because nothing actually happened so why is he so upset over all of this?]
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It should be hard to top being abducted and transported to another dimension as far as "unsettling events" go, but considering the past few weeks... Between the Mothman and the strange events of the hot springs, he could believe easily that something unpleasant might've happened. ]
It's been a strange couple of weeks.
[ He runs a hand through his hair to comb it down, but keeps his gaze on Lorenz, watching him carefully. ]
Are you looking to talk about it?
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Strange... that is certainly an understatement.
[He'd been a snake for most of a day, for Flames' sake.
But that question was one he hadn't really considered himself until it was posed. A thoughtful hum, lips thinning as he presses them together, a small tell when he doesn't have a satisfactory answer for something. Finally just an awkward little half shrug.]
No. I... needed to not be alone for a little while.
[To stop chasing the endless circling thoughts that didn't have, nor could they have, a proper answer. A distraction, someone to lean on that he didn't have to wonder if it was some stupid thing the island was doing to him.]
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He's the one who always said a leader is responsible for the morale of his people. Not that he's the leader of anything nowadays.
So he doesn't press the issue, accepting Lorenz' answer for what it is, nose crinkling as he teases him, ] Well, if you wanted a slumber party, you should've said so.
[ He cants his head back toward Hilda's room, contemplative. ]
But trying to peel Hilda out of her room might make our ears ring [ with complaints ] so you might have to settle for just me.
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Don't you mock him. Even if it does earn him a grudging smile. Why must it be so very difficult to stay mad at this fool?]
Let her keep herself occupied for once lest she start making demands of us. [An eye roll but a similarly fond and exasperated look towards her door. Then, softly, a touch more serious. He might complain and nit pick but he does enjoy spending time with him. They're friends, even if he's a brat about it.]
It's hardly settling, Claude.
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That's true. [ He agrees readily enough, eyes brightening as something occurs to him. ] After all, you get to be the first one to test—
[ He cuts off there, on purpose for drama, sliding off the couch and padding further into the apartment to his room, emerging a few seconds later with a wooden square and trinkets. This time he plops down on the couch right next to Lorenz, shoulder to shoulder and thigh to thigh, as he balances his prize on his knees.
It's a board game, of sorts, a twisting path crudely carved into the wooden block, and the pieces simple in design and pattern. ]
I've been missing having something to play, so I went ahead and designed something myself. I'll explain.
[ It's dumb and too convoluted for a board game C: ]
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[Oh Flames, Claude, what have you done now? He's half expecting some sort of poison or other strange concoction. And he might be the tiniest bit sulky about losing the grounding contact of fingers in his hair.
Once he actually sees what Claude's brought back to the couch, though, he actually lifts a hand to politely stifle a laugh of absolute delight.]
You made a game?! [Stupid genius being brilliant. Not only is it incredibly impressive in and of itself, it is an instantly successful distraction from the circling thoughts that have been weighing on him for days now.
Of course it's far too convoluted but Lorenz will do his absolute best to keep up.]
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[ For someone who was used to the constant drum of war and politics, it's been an adjustment to have so much free time.
Not that he's complaining, but sometimes he needs something to keep his mind occupied so he doesn't go insane.
Hence this little project. He's got his attention on it right now, placing special tiles on the board in specific places, the player pieces shuffled in a corner for now as he sets it up. ]
It's a cooperative game. [ He explains, smiling wryly. ] As much as I enjoy the competition of chess, I thought it would be a good thing to work on my collaborative skills. I was a little inspired by this place, to be honest. As troubling as this island is, I never thought I'd see a place where people from entirely different worlds could all live together.
[ It would be kind of a dream if not for the fact that they'd all been semi-kidnapped and forced to fuck. Still, he's not above acknowledging the positives.
Once he's set up, he looks back at Lorenz. ]
Anyway, because it's cooperative, it means that it's the players—us—versus the board. We're trying to traverse the board to reach our goal, and if we land on a tile, it will provide a boon or a disadvantage. Each piece has a different strength and weakness, but it's a lot to remember so I'll explain as we play.
[ Basically, he's made a rudimentary version of Fire Emblem the board game. ]
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[Lorenz that's not... hard.
Still the fact that Claude has been so inspired by the cooperation here is, honestly, really touching. He's been having trouble seeing any positives, especially recently, but Claude has a good point. This sort of thing is precisely what he's hoped for, isn't it? Flames, this would have been an impossible ideal in Fodlan. All three leaders agreeing to work together, to peace.
While Claude gets the board set up Lorenz takes a moment to just lean into his shoulder, a little shift to offer some small gesture of support.]
It sounds like you're going to need to make a rule book. [Because of course he's already fussing over the rules. Lorenz is the type of person to memorize the rules before he ever even touches the board. But... alright. They're just... going to wing it.]
Goodness, though. Perhaps if you'd come up with this ages ago we might have been able to forego some of our own hmm- collaborative disagreements.
[A gentle tease, poking a little fun at himself as much as Claude. Knowing now that everything worked out in the end it's so much easier to look back at some of their spats and acknowledge how ridiculous he was being, without all those worries weighing on him.]
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[ He doesn't have a table, so he balances the board on his knees as he gives Lorenz a player piece to take. ]
So, about each piece...
[ The rules easily and with enthusiasm off his tongue, demeanour for once not mischievous or calculating, but just genuinely pleased and excited. It's not how he'd framed his interests in the past, with a note of challenge as if he was expecting to earn a roll of the eyes or huff of exasperation. He doesn't expect Lorenz to meet him with anything but an open-mind—a miracle considering where they'd started.
And he's softened, without the background of war, tensions at the border and a fight for the throne looming in the future, there are no conflicts for Claude to be wary of, not as much reason for him to keep his guard up.
So he explains, putting pieces on the board, leaving some mechanics unsaid until the situation arises, and they play. It's different, without the antagonism of the board games that Claude is used to, reminiscent of the war meetings and pouring over maps and resource listings. But considerably more fun without the knowledge that lives are on the line.
They progress, and they're not half bad as a combination, though Claude tweaks the rules to make the flow of play a little better and—okay, he does want to win. It's his game and he can do what he wants. But it's not a given, and he still watches the last die roll with a baited breath and when their little party of two reaches the goal it feels good.
He can't help the cheer that bursts out of him, disrupting the careful balance of the board on his lap, and he smacks Lorenz' shoulder hard. ]
Lorenz Hellman Gloucester, you mad man. [ It actually feels like they've achieved something, and not just traversed across a 30 centimetre board. ] We did it! So?
[ He leans, chin close to settling on Lorenz' shoulder, expression smug and waiting to be compliment. ]
What do you think?
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Claude's enthusiasm is infectious, as it has always been, but the fact that he seems to be genuinely enjoying himself whenever Lorenz looks up from the board is far more satisfying than any game could ever be. It suits him, this freedom, the opportunity to be unburdened finally. As much as he enjoys the game, though, watching Claude work through problems that he's inflicted on himself is positively fascinating. At least now that the only stakes are a couple of squares.
In the end, though he obviously wants to win, he's more invested in it for Claude's sake. Winning means they did things right and also that his clever little game is a success. It might be a bit rough around the edges but Claude has clearly put a lot of work into it. It would be a tragedy if it didn't end up working out.
The last roll is too much, though. Too much suspense and if it doesn't work out he'd be just as devastated as Claude. So while Claude watches with baited breath Lorenz looks away, not daring to watch the dice fall. Of course their victory is clear enough by Claude's response, the swat to his shoulder startles him, one hand coming up to the spot with a slight wince even though he's laughing. He pins Claude's hand in place though, just in case he gets any more ideas about smacking him again because that kind of stung!?]
You're the mad one! [Half laughed, turning his head to look at Claude and abruptly realizing just how close he is. His smile softens, gradually. From beaming to something a bit gentler, earnest and fond and just possibly with the slightest blush rising to his cheeks. Goodness but he is awfully close.]
You really are brilliant, you know?
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He thinks the change in mood might be because of him, and it strikes something happy in his chest. A feeling that's good enough that it hurts, squeezing tight around his heart. It shouldn't be anything new for him, always considerate of morale when he'd been a leader, but that hadn't been a personal investment. It was his duty, and it was to ensure that the troops were focused and spirited as the battles waged on.
This, the only benefit was Lorenz' own happiness and peace of mind. This time, he cares because he cares about Lorenz. His friend.
It's kind of lovely to think about.
He squeezes the shoulder that he'd smacked originally, shifting back so that he can gather the pieces of the game and set it aside, legs releasing the tension they'd been holding to keep the board completely still. ]
I know. I've always been gifted.
[ He answer comes in a snobby tone, not his own voice, nose in the air, but the facade quickly cracks back into a smile, gentler this time. ]
Happy to see you in better spirits too, my friend.
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It's hard not to realize, now like this, playful and laughing and lighter than he's felt in so many years, that this is what friendship means for most people. Just being able to be with someone and enjoy yourself. No masks, no etiquette or worries of propriety, no keeping himself apart so he can assess the usefulness of another person.
Has he ever been able to do that before? To not have that nagging voice in the back of his mind reminding him of each little faux pas, the constant demand for perfection? It means more to him than he'd realized.]
Well, it's quite difficult to be dour after such a resounding victory!
[Lorenz links their arms together, something to demonstrate his fondness without, hopefully, mucking things up with his stupid rambling words again. Instead he sticks to a simple, heart-felt]
Thank you.
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To realize that maybe the people in his life are there for more than just success in battle.
He slumps back into the couch, excitement fading into a boneless relaxation, shoulder pushed up against Lorenz' and his head lolling toward him. ]
You're most welcome. I'm glad you seemed to enjoy yourself, maybe I'll make some tweaks and we can play again.
[ Smiling, he nudges Lorenz slightly. ]
We're not half-bad as a team.
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[Ah but it is decidedly unfair that Claude should smile at him like that, certainly not now after all the embarrassing truths from well... weeks ago now. He's quite certain his heart hasn't gone all fluttery over one of his smiles since they were teenagers. Goddess help him.
Seeing Claude so genuinely happy is just... enough to make him melt, despite himself.]
You're only just now realizing that? [Another tease and Lorenz lets himself rock a little further than that nudge warranted just so he has the excuse to nudge him in return, a playful challenge in the arch of his brow. But once again he's forced to acknowledge just how close Claude is. He doesn't intend to do it, immediately scolds himself for it, but his gaze drops briefly from those lovely green eyes down to the breathtaking smile on his lips.
No, he should absolutely not throw complications into this. Just enjoy the company and the moment. And perhaps there's some part of him that needs to push so that he is allowed to have some small amount of control, just as he'd told Claude before. But in that moment it, honestly, feels like it would be too easy. Natural, even. To just lean in-]
Claude... I- [Barely a whisper, some attempt maybe to search for an excuse for himself. Claude's trust is such a fragile thing and he doesn't want to damage what little of it he has but even Lorenz Hellman Gloucester's willpower is only so strong. There's plenty of time for Claude to put distance between them again, to reclaim his space if that's what he wants to do.
If he stays, though, Lorenz will allow himself just the barest brush of lips, hardly more than he'd been able to force himself to do up in the mountains. Only now, because he wants to.]
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It feels— different. Not like kissing anyone else, strangers who didn't know him, where he didn't need to weigh the importance of their history and relationship in one hand, and the brightness of something physical in the other. He'd been wary when Lorenz had first proposed this between them, too aware of his hesitance and fear, and unable to understand how he should manage it. It hung over him, heavy on his shoulders despite how easy it would've been to accept all that Lorenz had offered. But he doesn't feel it now.
Does he think that they would've arrived here, if not for the forces of this island? No. But that doesn't mean they're acting under duress now.
Though perhaps he should make sure. ]
Hm. [ He hums thoughtfully as he draws away, expression warm but revealing nothing as he meets Lorenz' eyes. ] So your true motives reveal themselves.
[ A slow grin spreads over his features, one hand lifting up to flick the space where his old cat ears would be. ]
Losing your ears has made you bold, Count Gloucester.
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Foolish... but true.
The comment about the cat ears, though. That has a brief flicker of that same weight to his gaze that he'd had when he arrived, the refusal to meet his eyes something darker for that moment. It's a reminder that has him answering a bit more seriously.]
Perhaps it did. [He feels a bit absurd, the way his heart pounds in his chest, too nervous to actually do more than hover in Claude's space, silently hoping for an invitation to remain there.
Another fleeting glance down to the other man's mouth and then up again, brow furrowed slightly as he waits, watches, about as sure of Claude's response as he had been of the dice moments before and just as anxious. But dice were simple and straightforward to read. Claude was an enigma, handsome and clever and such an enticing mystery that he didn't dare look away, lest he miss some key component that might give him more of an indication of where Claude really stood in all of this.]
Maybe it's just been too long since I've seen you smile like this.
[If he's to be accused of boldness he may as well be just that. Though, not quite so bold as to reach for him the way he wants to. It's true though. Even now, knowing how different his smiles were then the closest he can think of... what? The dance? Before everything had really gone to pieces?
For the Professor.]
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He hadn't realized that he was so easy to read, or that anyone had been watching carefully enough, and he's not entirely sure how he feels about it. He's always been clumsy when it came to honesty, offering what he could after careful consideration and practice. It's not natural or easy for him to be open, or to let others see him, and the idea alone still causes an instinctual flare of concern.
He muscles past it, features settling into a disbelieving smile. ]
Lorenz... [ On second thought, maybe he still doesn't know what to say. It would be too callous to laugh and answer with a joke, but to be honest and admit to a façade would take divine intervention.
So he huffs a laugh. ]
I wasn't aware that my emotions were such an open book to you. What else can you see?
[ He waggles his eyebrows and gives him a wink. ]
How would you decipher that?
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Because he was a poetic fool through and through no matter how much he desperately tried to keep that buried in pages of a journal no one would ever see.
He's embarrassed enough before Claude goes and... and- winks at him. Especially when they're still leaning into one another's space. Or... were. Because he will always be sensitive to Claude's teasing. So he pulls back, face flushed a deep enough scarlet that his cheeks ache, one hand lifting helplessly as though there were anyway to hide his embarrassment. He shakes his head a little, trying to fumble back to the good humor he was abruptly terrified of losing.]
Nothing, really. [Because he cannot offer any words that would answer that last question better than his face already has. Clearly he understands the lasciviousness of it, though there's a fair bit of mockery by his reasoning as well.] Claude... if you're an open book then it's a book written in a language I don't even know the characters for.
[There's more, right there on the tip of his tongue. All I know is that it's beautiful. Foolish and romantic and the absolutely last thing he should say. So he swallows it down, lips pressing into a wry smile and a shake of his head. He's a helpless mess, that's really all there is to it.]
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Even though he trusts them, and values them. ]
I suppose as I've matured I have gained an air of mystery. [ He strokes his chin, determined to keep the atmosphere lighthearted. ] It's just part of growing from a boy into a man...
[ Setting his arm on the back of the couch, he rests his head on his fist as he smiles. He wishes, futilely, that he could show Lorenz the same genuine emotion that he receives, but it's not in his nature to be honest and open. So against all of the instincts that he'd developed throughout his life, that had bred him into the survivor that he is now. ]
I thought it was part of my charm. Just like your tendency to fluff up your feathers at the smallest provocation.
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Claude twists to lean on the back of the couch and Lorenz allows himself to do the same, though he leans into it more, resting his cheek on his folded arm and stretching out a bit as though it were more fainting couch than actual couch. It leaves him looking up at Claude for once too and maybe that just makes it easier to hide if -when- he missteps again.
As foolish as he feels, though..... he wants to stay here in Claude's space, watching him, curious and cautious in equal measure. Everything is so different here that there are a lot of pieces of the man brought out that he's never seen before.]
It is. Charming, I mean.
[A huff, half laugh and half scoff, tilting his face into the bend of his elbow, embarrassed all over again.]
There's nothing charming about... over reacting to everything. I- I can't help it, though. Despite how much I do try, believe it or not.
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