[The game is a bit precarious, what with trying to play across Claude's lap, but it is surprisingly comfortable even if there's a couple times that Lorenz has to put a hand under the board so he doesn't upset it. Leaning over it isn't going to increase the likelihood if a favorable roll but he can't help it.
Claude's enthusiasm is infectious, as it has always been, but the fact that he seems to be genuinely enjoying himself whenever Lorenz looks up from the board is far more satisfying than any game could ever be. It suits him, this freedom, the opportunity to be unburdened finally. As much as he enjoys the game, though, watching Claude work through problems that he's inflicted on himself is positively fascinating. At least now that the only stakes are a couple of squares.
In the end, though he obviously wants to win, he's more invested in it for Claude's sake. Winning means they did things right and also that his clever little game is a success. It might be a bit rough around the edges but Claude has clearly put a lot of work into it. It would be a tragedy if it didn't end up working out.
The last roll is too much, though. Too much suspense and if it doesn't work out he'd be just as devastated as Claude. So while Claude watches with baited breath Lorenz looks away, not daring to watch the dice fall. Of course their victory is clear enough by Claude's response, the swat to his shoulder startles him, one hand coming up to the spot with a slight wince even though he's laughing. He pins Claude's hand in place though, just in case he gets any more ideas about smacking him again because that kind of stung!?]
You're the mad one! [Half laughed, turning his head to look at Claude and abruptly realizing just how close he is. His smile softens, gradually. From beaming to something a bit gentler, earnest and fond and just possibly with the slightest blush rising to his cheeks. Goodness but he is awfully close.]
[ Claude accepts the praise without complaint, smiling even as the initial rush of victory steadily fades into a pleased hum. It's in the quiet that he notices that Lorenz seems to be in better spirits now than when he'd first arrived, features soft and pleased, without the airs around him that he usually wears, half genuine and half, Claude suspects, for show.
He thinks the change in mood might be because of him, and it strikes something happy in his chest. A feeling that's good enough that it hurts, squeezing tight around his heart. It shouldn't be anything new for him, always considerate of morale when he'd been a leader, but that hadn't been a personal investment. It was his duty, and it was to ensure that the troops were focused and spirited as the battles waged on.
This, the only benefit was Lorenz' own happiness and peace of mind. This time, he cares because he cares about Lorenz. His friend.
It's kind of lovely to think about.
He squeezes the shoulder that he'd smacked originally, shifting back so that he can gather the pieces of the game and set it aside, legs releasing the tension they'd been holding to keep the board completely still. ]
I know. I've always been gifted.
[ He answer comes in a snobby tone, not his own voice, nose in the air, but the facade quickly cracks back into a smile, gentler this time. ]
Happy to see you in better spirits too, my friend.
[The faux haughtiness is so out of place on Claude that Lorenz is laughing again before he can help himself. Then it's Claude's turn to get a swat to his shoulder. Don't think he doesn't know precisely who you're imitating with that, sir!
It's hard not to realize, now like this, playful and laughing and lighter than he's felt in so many years, that this is what friendship means for most people. Just being able to be with someone and enjoy yourself. No masks, no etiquette or worries of propriety, no keeping himself apart so he can assess the usefulness of another person.
Has he ever been able to do that before? To not have that nagging voice in the back of his mind reminding him of each little faux pas, the constant demand for perfection? It means more to him than he'd realized.]
Well, it's quite difficult to be dour after such a resounding victory!
[Lorenz links their arms together, something to demonstrate his fondness without, hopefully, mucking things up with his stupid rambling words again. Instead he sticks to a simple, heart-felt]
[ The proximity and gratitude are both received with a bright grin, something pleasant and easy, without the shadow of war and secrets clouding the back of his mind. If nothing else, at least this island have taught Claude how to be at ease and to lessen his suspicions.
To realize that maybe the people in his life are there for more than just success in battle.
He slumps back into the couch, excitement fading into a boneless relaxation, shoulder pushed up against Lorenz' and his head lolling toward him. ]
You're most welcome. I'm glad you seemed to enjoy yourself, maybe I'll make some tweaks and we can play again.
Tweaks or no, we're most certainly playing again. Sooner, rather than later I should hope.
[Ah but it is decidedly unfair that Claude should smile at him like that, certainly not now after all the embarrassing truths from well... weeks ago now. He's quite certain his heart hasn't gone all fluttery over one of his smiles since they were teenagers. Goddess help him.
Seeing Claude so genuinely happy is just... enough to make him melt, despite himself.]
You're only just now realizing that? [Another tease and Lorenz lets himself rock a little further than that nudge warranted just so he has the excuse to nudge him in return, a playful challenge in the arch of his brow. But once again he's forced to acknowledge just how close Claude is. He doesn't intend to do it, immediately scolds himself for it, but his gaze drops briefly from those lovely green eyes down to the breathtaking smile on his lips.
No, he should absolutely not throw complications into this. Just enjoy the company and the moment. And perhaps there's some part of him that needs to push so that he is allowed to have some small amount of control, just as he'd told Claude before. But in that moment it, honestly, feels like it would be too easy. Natural, even. To just lean in-]
Claude... I- [Barely a whisper, some attempt maybe to search for an excuse for himself. Claude's trust is such a fragile thing and he doesn't want to damage what little of it he has but even Lorenz Hellman Gloucester's willpower is only so strong. There's plenty of time for Claude to put distance between them again, to reclaim his space if that's what he wants to do.
If he stays, though, Lorenz will allow himself just the barest brush of lips, hardly more than he'd been able to force himself to do up in the mountains. Only now, because he wants to.]
[ It feels easy like this. Lorenz slipping in his space, natural and familiar, features that Claude had seen hardened by war and softened by loss in equal parts. He's not naive enough not to see Lorenz' intent, calculate the rapidly fading distance between them until his eyes are slipping shut to meet the softest press of lips against his own.
It feels— different. Not like kissing anyone else, strangers who didn't know him, where he didn't need to weigh the importance of their history and relationship in one hand, and the brightness of something physical in the other. He'd been wary when Lorenz had first proposed this between them, too aware of his hesitance and fear, and unable to understand how he should manage it. It hung over him, heavy on his shoulders despite how easy it would've been to accept all that Lorenz had offered. But he doesn't feel it now.
Does he think that they would've arrived here, if not for the forces of this island? No. But that doesn't mean they're acting under duress now.
Though perhaps he should make sure. ]
Hm. [ He hums thoughtfully as he draws away, expression warm but revealing nothing as he meets Lorenz' eyes. ] So your true motives reveal themselves.
[ A slow grin spreads over his features, one hand lifting up to flick the space where his old cat ears would be. ]
Losing your ears has made you bold, Count Gloucester.
[That first tease has his cheeks flushing scarlet and he ducks his head a little even as he gives Claude an arch look, bordering on disapproval. But as much as he complains about Claude's ability to fluster or rile him up in an instant he wouldn't have it any other way. So perhaps they wouldn't have ended up here precisely but... he'd be lying if he said he'd have minded it if they did.
Foolish... but true.
The comment about the cat ears, though. That has a brief flicker of that same weight to his gaze that he'd had when he arrived, the refusal to meet his eyes something darker for that moment. It's a reminder that has him answering a bit more seriously.]
Perhaps it did. [He feels a bit absurd, the way his heart pounds in his chest, too nervous to actually do more than hover in Claude's space, silently hoping for an invitation to remain there.
Another fleeting glance down to the other man's mouth and then up again, brow furrowed slightly as he waits, watches, about as sure of Claude's response as he had been of the dice moments before and just as anxious. But dice were simple and straightforward to read. Claude was an enigma, handsome and clever and such an enticing mystery that he didn't dare look away, lest he miss some key component that might give him more of an indication of where Claude really stood in all of this.]
Maybe it's just been too long since I've seen you smile like this.
[If he's to be accused of boldness he may as well be just that. Though, not quite so bold as to reach for him the way he wants to. It's true though. Even now, knowing how different his smiles were then the closest he can think of... what? The dance? Before everything had really gone to pieces?
For the Professor.]
Edited (post-headache Lorenz insisted on being romantic sorry lol) 2020-11-05 06:31 (UTC)
[ The response catches him off guard, sly smile breaking into surprise for a moment, blinking at Lorenz and mind suddenly veering down another track, trying to decipher what may have led Lorenz to such a conclusion.
He hadn't realized that he was so easy to read, or that anyone had been watching carefully enough, and he's not entirely sure how he feels about it. He's always been clumsy when it came to honesty, offering what he could after careful consideration and practice. It's not natural or easy for him to be open, or to let others see him, and the idea alone still causes an instinctual flare of concern.
He muscles past it, features settling into a disbelieving smile. ]
Lorenz... [ On second thought, maybe he still doesn't know what to say. It would be too callous to laugh and answer with a joke, but to be honest and admit to a façade would take divine intervention.
So he huffs a laugh. ]
I wasn't aware that my emotions were such an open book to you. What else can you see?
[The fact that he hesitates so much before responding slowly has Lorenz' face flushing a little darker. Goddess why did he always turn into such a fool around anyone he felt any kind of affection for?! He knew enough to know that sentimentality is not something Claude deals with so why the sappy line?
Because he was a poetic fool through and through no matter how much he desperately tried to keep that buried in pages of a journal no one would ever see.
He's embarrassed enough before Claude goes and... and- winks at him. Especially when they're still leaning into one another's space. Or... were. Because he will always be sensitive to Claude's teasing. So he pulls back, face flushed a deep enough scarlet that his cheeks ache, one hand lifting helplessly as though there were anyway to hide his embarrassment. He shakes his head a little, trying to fumble back to the good humor he was abruptly terrified of losing.]
Nothing, really. [Because he cannot offer any words that would answer that last question better than his face already has. Clearly he understands the lasciviousness of it, though there's a fair bit of mockery by his reasoning as well.] Claude... if you're an open book then it's a book written in a language I don't even know the characters for.
[There's more, right there on the tip of his tongue. All I know is that it's beautiful. Foolish and romantic and the absolutely last thing he should say. So he swallows it down, lips pressing into a wry smile and a shake of his head. He's a helpless mess, that's really all there is to it.]
[ That's probably true, but it's not Lorenz' fault. As much as Claude cares for his comrades, there's parts of himself that he can never share. Truths that make him question whether or not he would still have their trust and loyalty if they knew his secrets, and that builds a distance that neither of them can bridge.
Even though he trusts them, and values them. ]
I suppose as I've matured I have gained an air of mystery. [ He strokes his chin, determined to keep the atmosphere lighthearted. ] It's just part of growing from a boy into a man...
[ Setting his arm on the back of the couch, he rests his head on his fist as he smiles. He wishes, futilely, that he could show Lorenz the same genuine emotion that he receives, but it's not in his nature to be honest and open. So against all of the instincts that he'd developed throughout his life, that had bred him into the survivor that he is now. ]
I thought it was part of my charm. Just like your tendency to fluff up your feathers at the smallest provocation.
[Lorenz would never expect that kind of openness from Claude. He'd... well. He'd settle for his attempts at being genuine, instead of a pompous brat, not getting him laughed at. It does make it so very difficult to speak more openly about things, even if he may want to sometimes.
Claude twists to lean on the back of the couch and Lorenz allows himself to do the same, though he leans into it more, resting his cheek on his folded arm and stretching out a bit as though it were more fainting couch than actual couch. It leaves him looking up at Claude for once too and maybe that just makes it easier to hide if -when- he missteps again.
As foolish as he feels, though..... he wants to stay here in Claude's space, watching him, curious and cautious in equal measure. Everything is so different here that there are a lot of pieces of the man brought out that he's never seen before.]
It is. Charming, I mean.
[A huff, half laugh and half scoff, tilting his face into the bend of his elbow, embarrassed all over again.]
There's nothing charming about... over reacting to everything. I- I can't help it, though. Despite how much I do try, believe it or not.
[ It's surprising how readily Lorenz agrees with him (and issues him a compliment!), but Claude doesn't complain, smiling at the embarrassed reaction and reaching out to carefully brush his fingers over Lorenz' hair. ]
It's plenty charming, because it's genuine. Not everyone is taken in by a façade.
[ The kind that so many people wear, projecting an image that isn't entirely true in order to gain the favour of others. Claude doesn't begrudge that kind of behaviour—how could he, when he struggles to be genuine himself—but even he can admit that honesty is more endearing than a mask.
Whatever embarrassing form that honesty might take. ]
[It's unbearably sweet, Claude's fingers skimming over his hair, calling him charming. The juxtaposition to the teasing laughter only moments ago only makes it that much more surprising. But still he tilts his head a little, a subtle encouragement. Fingers in his hair are positively wonderful.]
Well... it isn't as though there's any court here to impress. [No one to prove his worth to, none of his fathers expectations to live up to.] Just us.
[Whether he means the two of them or including Hilda or just the strange jumble of classmates the sentiment is the same. Though he does lift his free hand to reach up, resting it lightly on Claude's arm where he's leaning into the couch. His fingers toy with his sleeve a little, an answering touch for the fingers in his hair.]
[ He closes his eyes, relaxed and lazy, thinking back to Fódlan and all the pretences that came with life there. Whether it was playing the part of a good noble or calm and collected leader. Where he was Claude, so used to carrying his secrets that he could no longer feel their weight by the time the war had been won, as if he'd managed to separate himself from that other identity entirely.
He hadn't, because he would always be a mix of both. And when the time came, he'd shed his life as Claude as easily as he'd taken it on.
Another day, another battle. ]
That's probably for the best. [ He sticks his nose in the air again, faking. ] My standards are impossibly high.
[Lorenz scoffs immediately. Impress Claude? Hah! He'd ruined any chance of that a long time ago. Though it was, maybe, a little embarrassing how highly he thought of his opinion. Not just as their leader but as a friend.
But his play at being snooty sounds so much like teenage Lorenz it's definitely embarrassing. The hand that was just resting on his arm pushes his hand away, leaving him nothing to brace on even though he's only half looking at him, still blushing and awkward but that's unlikely to change any time soon.]
Well good. [A snippy little huff of his own.] It would be more embarrassing to- ah... [And the boldness falters back to embarrassment, though no less earnest.] ... learn, I suppose? From someone without standards.
[ Claude isn't clueless. Despite how vaguely Lorenz puts it, between the blushing and the hand wringing, he can gather well enough that when he says "learn", he's not talking about the intricate process of designing a board game. It kind of makes him want to laugh, he doesn't really think he's experienced enough to be a teacher—at least not of anything that Lorenz doesn't already know.
... Or at least, what Claude is assuming he knows. (Maybe he doesn't?? He has no idea what kind of sex ed they receive in Fódlan.) ]
Lorenz, I don't know if it's possible for you to become more embarrassed.
[ Really, he assumes that Lorenz would just faint at that point. ]
Were you working up the courage this entire time to ask me for sex?
[He's right, at least. Lorenz couldn't possibly blush harder, not that it stops him from huffing a frustrated sigh. One hand comes up to smooth his hair back into place, as though now that he's been called out he has to try to compose himself a little.]
Not- the entire time. [Goddess that sounds awful doesn't it?] I mean to say... that's certainly not what my intent was coming over here.
[He'd hate for Claude to misconstrue his genuine desire for companionship and enjoyment of his game for something so... calculated. It wasn't like that at all. He bites the inside of his lip, glancing away for a moment.] But you... let me kiss you. And I-
[He finally makes himself look back over at Claude, resigned to his embarrassment but also a shy, almost hopeful little smile tugging uncertainly at his lips.]
[ "Let" Lorenz kiss him, as though Claude were some unwilling participant weakly tolerating the gesture.
He tilts his head curiously, leaning into Lorenz' space as he lifts a hand to gently trace along the line of his jaw. A quiet, chaste gesture but one he expects might draw a blush over the same expanse of skin that he travels. ]
Is that all?
[ His expression is cheesy and suggestive, but he's not pretending to be some master seducer. ]
Well, I do like to kiss, but I can say that if you led me to your room, I'd probably "let" you do that too.
[ As a general rule, Claude doesn't have sex when Hilda is in the vicinity. ]
[They went over the fact that, logic aside, Lorenz had definitely had a thing for Claude. Just how much of Claude's agreement had been charity and how much might have been curiosity or honest interest was never addressed.
The gentle touch has Lorenz tilting his head slightly, leaning into the contact with a fluttery little sigh and a predictable flush of color. His hand comes up to cover Claude's, holding him there while Lorenz presses into the touch. He swallows hard, gathering his nerve just as Claude had said.
Of course he's met with that ridiculously cheesy expression and all of the nervousness is swept away in rush of exasperation. Here he is having a moment and- ]
You are unbearable, you realize.
[But even as he says it he is dragging himself off the couch, rolling his eyes as much at himself as Claude, offering him a hand up. Fond exasperation saves him from twisting himself into a ball of anxiety, maybe, but not entirely from the shy uncertainty when he actually answers him properly.]
[ The statement and the question both earn a grin from Claude, and he accepts the offered hand, using the momentum of standing to step into Lorenz' space and pressing a soft kiss to his lips. He lingers this time, not quite like the brief brushes that Lorenz had gifted him, taking a moment just to savour the closeness and warmth before rocking back, looking as please as punch. ]
Lead the way. [ But actually— ] Just give me a minute first.
[ He steps back to gather up all the parts of his board game (he's not normally so tidy, but he doesn't want Hilda to destroy it), vanishing back to his room before reappearing, not bothering to hide the way he's traded in his board game for a bottle with very specific applications.
Settling back beside Lorenz, everything about his demeanour suggests that he plans to be trouble regardless of Lorenz delicate sensibilities. ]
So, care to explain which one of your fantasies we'll be enacting today?
[The last thing he expects is for Claude to take the initiative to kiss him, especially completely unprompted. He's not really sure what he is expecting but it wasn't that. Lorenz sucks in a surprised breath but leans into it as long as Claude will let him, flushed in a far more pleasant way when he goes to put away game pieces before they get lost.
Something that immediately tilts back over into embarrassment when he realizes what Claude has with him and how troublesome all his mischief making is liable to be... He's lucky it's part of his charm.
Lorenz habitually offers his arm, a proper gentleman if Claude decides to accept it. But either way he will start to head out, and down the two whole doors between their apartments, before he loses his nerve (again). The answer he gives, while being terribly embarrassed and flustered, is likely a bit more honest than Claude might have expected,]
I am hardly.... well versed enough in such things to have considered anything ahem remotely creative... Even if I had, I wouldn't ask that of you.
[It seems shallow and objectifying when, even in his youth, it had always been far more about who than what.]
[ Claude doesn't need to be doted on, but he accepts the offered arm nonetheless, amused by the courtesy. He has to admit that the answer surprises him, mostly because he expected Lorenz to blush and fluster.
He doesn't mind, smiling softly as he leans in, chest pressing to Lorenz' arm as invades his personal space. ]
As, Lorenz. Are you being considerate of my virtue?
[ Not that he would mind enacting any of Lorenz' fantasies. He's always had a curious mind, open to trying whatever new things might land in his lap, and just as quick to abandon them if they aren't to his taste. But maybe that's not the risk that Lorenz wants to take with his inaugural tumble in bed, which is understanding enough. Given his demeanour, Claude suspects that they'll be taking things slow and simple so as to ease Lorenz into the world of sex.
The walk to Lorenz' apartment takes less than a minute, and Claude doesn't bother lingering in the living room once the door is closed behind them, strolling straight toward where he knows Lorenz' bedroom to be.
He sets the lubricant beside the pillow, turning toward Lorenz with his hands on his hips, and a teasing grin over his lips. ]
Can you get undressed or shall I guide you through that as well?
[Maybe not his virtue but there's something that feels a bit disrespectful about even considering something like that. Especially when he has no idea what he's doing. Especially when none of his so-called-fantasies go anywhere near the extent of what they're clearly planning to do.
Even so he's had enough time to improve things around his apartment that there's a notable difference when they step inside, an easing of his tension that simply comes from being home. Short lived though it is when Claude immediately bypasses the living area to step around the half wall dividing the small apartment. Claude and Hilda had 2 rooms.... Lorenz only had a studio but the exchange was a corner apartment with a wide balcony that wraps around the building.]
I-!
[He doesn't even get the beginning of the argument out, flustered and a bit indignant. Precisely the effect he'd meant to have no doubt. Lorenz huffs a breath, gets as far as unbuttoning his cuffs, and then he is dismissing Claude's little challenge. A frown, half exasperated half uncertain. Another step closer to cut the distance between them.
Despite how nervous he might be he doesn't hesitate exactly. Claude is right in assuming they might have to go slowly at first but Lorenz does take the initiative to lean down and kiss his friend. They can worry about the undressing part in a moment. For now he knows from fleeting kisses shared with Constantin that it will be far easier not to get too caught up in losing any of his layers when he's already breathless from kisses.
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Claude's enthusiasm is infectious, as it has always been, but the fact that he seems to be genuinely enjoying himself whenever Lorenz looks up from the board is far more satisfying than any game could ever be. It suits him, this freedom, the opportunity to be unburdened finally. As much as he enjoys the game, though, watching Claude work through problems that he's inflicted on himself is positively fascinating. At least now that the only stakes are a couple of squares.
In the end, though he obviously wants to win, he's more invested in it for Claude's sake. Winning means they did things right and also that his clever little game is a success. It might be a bit rough around the edges but Claude has clearly put a lot of work into it. It would be a tragedy if it didn't end up working out.
The last roll is too much, though. Too much suspense and if it doesn't work out he'd be just as devastated as Claude. So while Claude watches with baited breath Lorenz looks away, not daring to watch the dice fall. Of course their victory is clear enough by Claude's response, the swat to his shoulder startles him, one hand coming up to the spot with a slight wince even though he's laughing. He pins Claude's hand in place though, just in case he gets any more ideas about smacking him again because that kind of stung!?]
You're the mad one! [Half laughed, turning his head to look at Claude and abruptly realizing just how close he is. His smile softens, gradually. From beaming to something a bit gentler, earnest and fond and just possibly with the slightest blush rising to his cheeks. Goodness but he is awfully close.]
You really are brilliant, you know?
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He thinks the change in mood might be because of him, and it strikes something happy in his chest. A feeling that's good enough that it hurts, squeezing tight around his heart. It shouldn't be anything new for him, always considerate of morale when he'd been a leader, but that hadn't been a personal investment. It was his duty, and it was to ensure that the troops were focused and spirited as the battles waged on.
This, the only benefit was Lorenz' own happiness and peace of mind. This time, he cares because he cares about Lorenz. His friend.
It's kind of lovely to think about.
He squeezes the shoulder that he'd smacked originally, shifting back so that he can gather the pieces of the game and set it aside, legs releasing the tension they'd been holding to keep the board completely still. ]
I know. I've always been gifted.
[ He answer comes in a snobby tone, not his own voice, nose in the air, but the facade quickly cracks back into a smile, gentler this time. ]
Happy to see you in better spirits too, my friend.
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It's hard not to realize, now like this, playful and laughing and lighter than he's felt in so many years, that this is what friendship means for most people. Just being able to be with someone and enjoy yourself. No masks, no etiquette or worries of propriety, no keeping himself apart so he can assess the usefulness of another person.
Has he ever been able to do that before? To not have that nagging voice in the back of his mind reminding him of each little faux pas, the constant demand for perfection? It means more to him than he'd realized.]
Well, it's quite difficult to be dour after such a resounding victory!
[Lorenz links their arms together, something to demonstrate his fondness without, hopefully, mucking things up with his stupid rambling words again. Instead he sticks to a simple, heart-felt]
Thank you.
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To realize that maybe the people in his life are there for more than just success in battle.
He slumps back into the couch, excitement fading into a boneless relaxation, shoulder pushed up against Lorenz' and his head lolling toward him. ]
You're most welcome. I'm glad you seemed to enjoy yourself, maybe I'll make some tweaks and we can play again.
[ Smiling, he nudges Lorenz slightly. ]
We're not half-bad as a team.
if google/dw eats one more of my notifs I'mma cry
[Ah but it is decidedly unfair that Claude should smile at him like that, certainly not now after all the embarrassing truths from well... weeks ago now. He's quite certain his heart hasn't gone all fluttery over one of his smiles since they were teenagers. Goddess help him.
Seeing Claude so genuinely happy is just... enough to make him melt, despite himself.]
You're only just now realizing that? [Another tease and Lorenz lets himself rock a little further than that nudge warranted just so he has the excuse to nudge him in return, a playful challenge in the arch of his brow. But once again he's forced to acknowledge just how close Claude is. He doesn't intend to do it, immediately scolds himself for it, but his gaze drops briefly from those lovely green eyes down to the breathtaking smile on his lips.
No, he should absolutely not throw complications into this. Just enjoy the company and the moment. And perhaps there's some part of him that needs to push so that he is allowed to have some small amount of control, just as he'd told Claude before. But in that moment it, honestly, feels like it would be too easy. Natural, even. To just lean in-]
Claude... I- [Barely a whisper, some attempt maybe to search for an excuse for himself. Claude's trust is such a fragile thing and he doesn't want to damage what little of it he has but even Lorenz Hellman Gloucester's willpower is only so strong. There's plenty of time for Claude to put distance between them again, to reclaim his space if that's what he wants to do.
If he stays, though, Lorenz will allow himself just the barest brush of lips, hardly more than he'd been able to force himself to do up in the mountains. Only now, because he wants to.]
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It feels— different. Not like kissing anyone else, strangers who didn't know him, where he didn't need to weigh the importance of their history and relationship in one hand, and the brightness of something physical in the other. He'd been wary when Lorenz had first proposed this between them, too aware of his hesitance and fear, and unable to understand how he should manage it. It hung over him, heavy on his shoulders despite how easy it would've been to accept all that Lorenz had offered. But he doesn't feel it now.
Does he think that they would've arrived here, if not for the forces of this island? No. But that doesn't mean they're acting under duress now.
Though perhaps he should make sure. ]
Hm. [ He hums thoughtfully as he draws away, expression warm but revealing nothing as he meets Lorenz' eyes. ] So your true motives reveal themselves.
[ A slow grin spreads over his features, one hand lifting up to flick the space where his old cat ears would be. ]
Losing your ears has made you bold, Count Gloucester.
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Foolish... but true.
The comment about the cat ears, though. That has a brief flicker of that same weight to his gaze that he'd had when he arrived, the refusal to meet his eyes something darker for that moment. It's a reminder that has him answering a bit more seriously.]
Perhaps it did. [He feels a bit absurd, the way his heart pounds in his chest, too nervous to actually do more than hover in Claude's space, silently hoping for an invitation to remain there.
Another fleeting glance down to the other man's mouth and then up again, brow furrowed slightly as he waits, watches, about as sure of Claude's response as he had been of the dice moments before and just as anxious. But dice were simple and straightforward to read. Claude was an enigma, handsome and clever and such an enticing mystery that he didn't dare look away, lest he miss some key component that might give him more of an indication of where Claude really stood in all of this.]
Maybe it's just been too long since I've seen you smile like this.
[If he's to be accused of boldness he may as well be just that. Though, not quite so bold as to reach for him the way he wants to. It's true though. Even now, knowing how different his smiles were then the closest he can think of... what? The dance? Before everything had really gone to pieces?
For the Professor.]
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He hadn't realized that he was so easy to read, or that anyone had been watching carefully enough, and he's not entirely sure how he feels about it. He's always been clumsy when it came to honesty, offering what he could after careful consideration and practice. It's not natural or easy for him to be open, or to let others see him, and the idea alone still causes an instinctual flare of concern.
He muscles past it, features settling into a disbelieving smile. ]
Lorenz... [ On second thought, maybe he still doesn't know what to say. It would be too callous to laugh and answer with a joke, but to be honest and admit to a façade would take divine intervention.
So he huffs a laugh. ]
I wasn't aware that my emotions were such an open book to you. What else can you see?
[ He waggles his eyebrows and gives him a wink. ]
How would you decipher that?
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Because he was a poetic fool through and through no matter how much he desperately tried to keep that buried in pages of a journal no one would ever see.
He's embarrassed enough before Claude goes and... and- winks at him. Especially when they're still leaning into one another's space. Or... were. Because he will always be sensitive to Claude's teasing. So he pulls back, face flushed a deep enough scarlet that his cheeks ache, one hand lifting helplessly as though there were anyway to hide his embarrassment. He shakes his head a little, trying to fumble back to the good humor he was abruptly terrified of losing.]
Nothing, really. [Because he cannot offer any words that would answer that last question better than his face already has. Clearly he understands the lasciviousness of it, though there's a fair bit of mockery by his reasoning as well.] Claude... if you're an open book then it's a book written in a language I don't even know the characters for.
[There's more, right there on the tip of his tongue. All I know is that it's beautiful. Foolish and romantic and the absolutely last thing he should say. So he swallows it down, lips pressing into a wry smile and a shake of his head. He's a helpless mess, that's really all there is to it.]
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Even though he trusts them, and values them. ]
I suppose as I've matured I have gained an air of mystery. [ He strokes his chin, determined to keep the atmosphere lighthearted. ] It's just part of growing from a boy into a man...
[ Setting his arm on the back of the couch, he rests his head on his fist as he smiles. He wishes, futilely, that he could show Lorenz the same genuine emotion that he receives, but it's not in his nature to be honest and open. So against all of the instincts that he'd developed throughout his life, that had bred him into the survivor that he is now. ]
I thought it was part of my charm. Just like your tendency to fluff up your feathers at the smallest provocation.
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Claude twists to lean on the back of the couch and Lorenz allows himself to do the same, though he leans into it more, resting his cheek on his folded arm and stretching out a bit as though it were more fainting couch than actual couch. It leaves him looking up at Claude for once too and maybe that just makes it easier to hide if -when- he missteps again.
As foolish as he feels, though..... he wants to stay here in Claude's space, watching him, curious and cautious in equal measure. Everything is so different here that there are a lot of pieces of the man brought out that he's never seen before.]
It is. Charming, I mean.
[A huff, half laugh and half scoff, tilting his face into the bend of his elbow, embarrassed all over again.]
There's nothing charming about... over reacting to everything. I- I can't help it, though. Despite how much I do try, believe it or not.
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It's plenty charming, because it's genuine. Not everyone is taken in by a façade.
[ The kind that so many people wear, projecting an image that isn't entirely true in order to gain the favour of others. Claude doesn't begrudge that kind of behaviour—how could he, when he struggles to be genuine himself—but even he can admit that honesty is more endearing than a mask.
Whatever embarrassing form that honesty might take. ]
It's good to see you more... at ease, I suppose.
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Well... it isn't as though there's any court here to impress. [No one to prove his worth to, none of his fathers expectations to live up to.] Just us.
[Whether he means the two of them or including Hilda or just the strange jumble of classmates the sentiment is the same. Though he does lift his free hand to reach up, resting it lightly on Claude's arm where he's leaning into the couch. His fingers toy with his sleeve a little, an answering touch for the fingers in his hair.]
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[ He closes his eyes, relaxed and lazy, thinking back to Fódlan and all the pretences that came with life there. Whether it was playing the part of a good noble or calm and collected leader. Where he was Claude, so used to carrying his secrets that he could no longer feel their weight by the time the war had been won, as if he'd managed to separate himself from that other identity entirely.
He hadn't, because he would always be a mix of both. And when the time came, he'd shed his life as Claude as easily as he'd taken it on.
Another day, another battle. ]
That's probably for the best. [ He sticks his nose in the air again, faking. ] My standards are impossibly high.
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But his play at being snooty sounds so much like teenage Lorenz it's definitely embarrassing. The hand that was just resting on his arm pushes his hand away, leaving him nothing to brace on even though he's only half looking at him, still blushing and awkward but that's unlikely to change any time soon.]
Well good. [A snippy little huff of his own.] It would be more embarrassing to- ah... [And the boldness falters back to embarrassment, though no less earnest.] ... learn, I suppose? From someone without standards.
[If he was willing to do that, Sylvain's here.]
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... Or at least, what Claude is assuming he knows. (Maybe he doesn't?? He has no idea what kind of sex ed they receive in Fódlan.) ]
Lorenz, I don't know if it's possible for you to become more embarrassed.
[ Really, he assumes that Lorenz would just faint at that point. ]
Were you working up the courage this entire time to ask me for sex?
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Not- the entire time. [Goddess that sounds awful doesn't it?] I mean to say... that's certainly not what my intent was coming over here.
[He'd hate for Claude to misconstrue his genuine desire for companionship and enjoyment of his game for something so... calculated. It wasn't like that at all. He bites the inside of his lip, glancing away for a moment.] But you... let me kiss you. And I-
[He finally makes himself look back over at Claude, resigned to his embarrassment but also a shy, almost hopeful little smile tugging uncertainly at his lips.]
Rather thought it might be nice to do so again.
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He tilts his head curiously, leaning into Lorenz' space as he lifts a hand to gently trace along the line of his jaw. A quiet, chaste gesture but one he expects might draw a blush over the same expanse of skin that he travels. ]
Is that all?
[ His expression is cheesy and suggestive, but he's not pretending to be some master seducer. ]
Well, I do like to kiss, but I can say that if you led me to your room, I'd probably "let" you do that too.
[ As a general rule, Claude doesn't have sex when Hilda is in the vicinity. ]
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The gentle touch has Lorenz tilting his head slightly, leaning into the contact with a fluttery little sigh and a predictable flush of color. His hand comes up to cover Claude's, holding him there while Lorenz presses into the touch. He swallows hard, gathering his nerve just as Claude had said.
Of course he's met with that ridiculously cheesy expression and all of the nervousness is swept away in rush of exasperation. Here he is having a moment and- ]
You are unbearable, you realize.
[But even as he says it he is dragging himself off the couch, rolling his eyes as much at himself as Claude, offering him a hand up. Fond exasperation saves him from twisting himself into a ball of anxiety, maybe, but not entirely from the shy uncertainty when he actually answers him properly.]
... Please?
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Lead the way. [ But actually— ] Just give me a minute first.
[ He steps back to gather up all the parts of his board game (he's not normally so tidy, but he doesn't want Hilda to destroy it), vanishing back to his room before reappearing, not bothering to hide the way he's traded in his board game for a bottle with very specific applications.
Settling back beside Lorenz, everything about his demeanour suggests that he plans to be trouble regardless of Lorenz delicate sensibilities. ]
So, care to explain which one of your fantasies we'll be enacting today?
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Something that immediately tilts back over into embarrassment when he realizes what Claude has with him and how troublesome all his mischief making is liable to be... He's lucky it's part of his charm.
Lorenz habitually offers his arm, a proper gentleman if Claude decides to accept it. But either way he will start to head out, and down the two whole doors between their apartments, before he loses his nerve (again). The answer he gives, while being terribly embarrassed and flustered, is likely a bit more honest than Claude might have expected,]
I am hardly.... well versed enough in such things to have considered anything ahem remotely creative... Even if I had, I wouldn't ask that of you.
[It seems shallow and objectifying when, even in his youth, it had always been far more about who than what.]
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He doesn't mind, smiling softly as he leans in, chest pressing to Lorenz' arm as invades his personal space. ]
As, Lorenz. Are you being considerate of my virtue?
[ Not that he would mind enacting any of Lorenz' fantasies. He's always had a curious mind, open to trying whatever new things might land in his lap, and just as quick to abandon them if they aren't to his taste. But maybe that's not the risk that Lorenz wants to take with his inaugural tumble in bed, which is understanding enough. Given his demeanour, Claude suspects that they'll be taking things slow and simple so as to ease Lorenz into the world of sex.
The walk to Lorenz' apartment takes less than a minute, and Claude doesn't bother lingering in the living room once the door is closed behind them, strolling straight toward where he knows Lorenz' bedroom to be.
He sets the lubricant beside the pillow, turning toward Lorenz with his hands on his hips, and a teasing grin over his lips. ]
Can you get undressed or shall I guide you through that as well?
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Even so he's had enough time to improve things around his apartment that there's a notable difference when they step inside, an easing of his tension that simply comes from being home. Short lived though it is when Claude immediately bypasses the living area to step around the half wall dividing the small apartment. Claude and Hilda had 2 rooms.... Lorenz only had a studio but the exchange was a corner apartment with a wide balcony that wraps around the building.]
I-!
[He doesn't even get the beginning of the argument out, flustered and a bit indignant. Precisely the effect he'd meant to have no doubt. Lorenz huffs a breath, gets as far as unbuttoning his cuffs, and then he is dismissing Claude's little challenge. A frown, half exasperated half uncertain. Another step closer to cut the distance between them.
Despite how nervous he might be he doesn't hesitate exactly. Claude is right in assuming they might have to go slowly at first but Lorenz does take the initiative to lean down and kiss his friend. They can worry about the undressing part in a moment. For now he knows from fleeting kisses shared with Constantin that it will be far easier not to get too caught up in losing any of his layers when he's already breathless from kisses.
Which is precisely what he's aiming for.]