school: nier

[shaft]

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monday, w3

[amain]

[ Nier is wherever Claude is! He wants to visit the wyvern, but unfortunately memshare week is cursed. It's mean. We have some mood music (Kainé / Duet ver), too.

You see the two heads of your village, Devola and Popola, and they tell you the truth (to 2:56). They aren't strangers. They aren't acquaintances. You have always seen them as like your parents after yours passed. Why?

Why are they doing this?

You hear them explain to you—your body isn't your own.  You aren't human.  You are merely a tool; everyone in this room is. It's hard for you to process. You have always thought that you had little control over your life and to have that confirmed cuts you deeper than you imagined.

Did your choices ever matter? Does your life matter? Do any of them matter...? If you don't matter, then why? Why are you here, suffering?

 You always wondered why you felt so broken.  You always wondered why everything felt orchestrated, like you're a doll being played with. They give you your answer. They're giving you all the answers.

 They're wrong.  You are an empty shell with no soul.
 Your life matters.  You never meant anything.
 Your sister's life matters.  She never meant anything.
 Your friends' lives matters.  They never meant anything.
 Shades are monsters, always.  You have been killing true humans all this time.

You always knew life had no purpose aside from the one you gave yourself. You made a purpose for yourself. You chose to combat cruelty with kindness because if there's nothing, why paint it black? You endured, you persevered, despite how it could amount to nothing that matters.

Is it... Not enough to be born into this world? Is there no place for him and the people he loves?

Nier frowns deeply as he tries to parse what happened. ]

[shaft]

[ The memories linger, Claude finds. Even after the destitute world fades, and he finds himself back, there's still a well of confusion bundled tight in his chest. It stays, as he tries to understand what he just witnessed, make sense of the thoughts that intruded in his head.

Underneath it, he's a little angry. A directionless anger, because he has no power to bring those two women to justice.

So he shoves it aside, settling a hand on Nier's shoulder instead, brows furrowed. ]

Hey, are you okay?

[amain]

[ Nier doesn't know how he can run from this. This campus is a locked place... And it seems like his memories come with his emotions, shallow and deep. How many places will take his agency? His choice? He chuckles. As hollow as it is, he's trying. ]

... Yeah. [ ... ] I guess I lied about not being one to lie.

[ "I'm human, too." Is it really a lie if he desperately believed it? ]

[shaft]

[ He frowns, unused to the expression on Nier's face, and shaking his head at his words. His hand stays on his shoulder, holding on as if his sentiments could travel between that way. ]

There's nothing wrong with lying to protect yourself. [ ... ] You don't have to show your hurt to everyone just to be honest.

I'm sorry if I saw something you'd rather kept private.

[amain]

[ ... Is that what he did? He lied to protect himself? Was he hurt, too? He supposes he was, maybe this is denial slowly unraveling. That moment when Claude von Riegan can read emotions better, wow. ]

I was angry. [ That was the first emotion he latched onto. It is the easiest one. ] It's fine. It's not your fault.

[ Since Claude's hand is still here, he... Pats it? To reassure him it's fine. ]

[shaft]

[ It's pretty sad when Claude can read emotions better than you, yeah. That said, he does not want to be touched back so he will remove his hand... no homo...

It's hard to imagine Nier being angry. ]

No, but someone should grieve. Did you?

[ Too busy putting fake smiles... Can't believe Claude and Nier are the same. ]

[amain]

[ Claude: i am only into one-way comfort

His eyebrows knit and he passes Claude an incredulous look? ]

... I didn't have time. They were going to kill me right there since that would be the easiest way to take my body.

[ His own parental figures. ]

[shaft]

I didn't mean right at that moment. [ He comments a little dryly, before sighing. ] I just mean... confiding in someone. Allowing yourself to feel hurt.

[ He doesn't really know how people handle trauma other than repression. ]

[amain]

[ Uhm. His face twists more, not annoyed or feigning composure. Instead, it's... Complicated. It's definitely guilt—he doesn't want to talk about it.

Except he's compelled to. He's forced to unpackage this in front of CLAUDE of all people. ]

No. I intended to keep it locked until I died and I did.

[shaft]

[ HELLO? ]

You... died?

[amain]

[ Okay, this part he hasn't been hiding at all. It just... It's weird for it to ever come up. ]

Yeah, I kind of did. I'm more dead than I am alive.

[shaft]

You're... What exactly does that mean?

[ stares at Nier's chest. ]

[amain]

[ He rubs his neck—DON'T LOOK AT HIS CHEST? ]

My existence was erased from my world. It includes my life, people's memories of me... Stuff like that.

[shaft]

[ That's not what he was expecting. He can feel his hands balling into fists, anger showing on his face, but he just closes his eyes. ]

And your sister?

[amain]

She’s still alive. Kainé is, too.

[ So basically Kainé is taking care of her. ]

… You don’t need to be angry. It was a choice.

[shaft]

Why?

[amain]

If the choice is to kill your friend before they become a monster or to sacrifice your existence so they can live, what would you pick?

It's nothing complicated.

[shaft]

It doesn't sound uncomplicated.

[ He grumbles. Just sad to hear it. ]

Seems as though you had to see plenty of cruelty, my friend.

[amain]

So we're friends.

[ That makes all of this a little better to Nier. ]

... Yeah, but I think everyone does.

[shaft]

That doesn't make it any easier to bear.

[ ... ]

Does Kainé know that you were erased? Or that you're not... human?

[amain]

Everyone that looks human in my world is an empty vessel. [ Including Kainé. ] She was there with me when we learned the truth.

[ Uhm. The erased part. He closes his eyes. ]

Yeah, she came here without remembering me, so she knows.

[shaft]

[ ....... ]

She remembers you now, it seems? And... forgive me for asking, but a vessel for what?

[amain]

It took her a week, but yeah. Somehow, she was able to break the spell. Not sure if it's because of this place or it's because I exist here, but she did it.

[ Nier still does not know how it works or why that happened, so hopefully Claude will never ask him about the specifics. ]

For true humans. Their souls.

[shaft]

[ Hm, interesting. ]

What is it exactly that makes you different from a "true" human?

[amain]

... I don't have a soul?

[ Apparently, that is important. ]