[ Yeah, that is pretty terrible. He's not sure how it would've changed things for him, if the dormheads had voluntarily brought them all there. A sacrifice to the story in order to save themselves.
He glances at the wall. ]
So did you? Try to help them out of the situation they'd been brought into?
[sheesh, he really just stabs at the heart of it, huh! she shifts, looking - a little baffled, maybe, or just slightly off balance. she's really not used to any sort of reassurance like this. it usually comes in the form of teasing or banter, because everybody she knows is allergic to feelings.
a long pause.]
... I'm trying. [she says finally, glancing at him.] To do that now. To, um - to forgive myself. And not wallow in suffering.
[ Claude is also allergic to feelings, so that is relatable.
But sometimes hearing silence when you're suffering can be it's own type of pain. ]
It's not easy. [ He agrees, quiet. ] I feel the weight of everyone that lost their lives in the war because of me constantly. It's not something I'll ever be free of.
And that's alright, I think. There are good days and bad days. Whenever I sink too deep in my self-pity, I try to remember that it's only for my benefit. It doesn't put any good into the world.
That's a good way to look at it. [she says, finally, with a little smile.] That's really... all I want to do, in the end. Put a little more good in the world.
[a pause, and then she moves to hug him. just a hug, because she appreciates what he's saying to her. this is always easier than words.]
[ He'll smile back, a little awkward as he returns the hug but holding on all the same. ]
I don't have any doubt in you, you know.
[ Though he doesn't get much else out, because we're launching into another memory!
This isn't your world—it's probably not any world, just another illusion concocted by the story—but your heart still goes out to the young girl that you'd met. Abandoned, alone, unable to speak on that old ship. She was afraid, but you managed to gain her trust.
You're on an abandoned ship that's washed up ashore of a small town, the rotting, brittle wood is unsteady around you as she continues to grow in her grief, the deck splintering under her weight and threatening to throw you and your companions into the water below.
A lie. You know that Lux will wield her magic again the moment she catches her breath, and that Kon is waiting for the opportunity to bury his sword in her body, but as her panicked cries ring in your head—Claude? Claude?—all you can think is how much you want to salvage this situation. Take her back to being a little girl. She might be a monster now, but she treated you with kindness.
The ship breaks and your lungs fill with water, debris crashing down around you, and even amidst her anguish, she finds you. She treats you gently, carrying you to shore and to safety. None of her tentacles come in your direction, not even when you summon the magic of this world, dark spikes cutting through the ground to slice into her body.
She cries, betrayed, Why...? I just wanted to be with you. You were the only who was kind to me. You were the only who tried to help me. I wanted to see the world with you. I wanted to speak like you. I wanted to read like you. I wanted to eat more snack bars with you...
She doesn't attack you still, as you drag yourself past her monstrous limbs, reaching the part of her that's still a girl, small hands holding a small face as she cries. You kind of want to cry too.
"I know, I know... I'm sorry."
You hate this place—this story. And you hate yourself too, a little, for always betraying those that trust you, when you plunge your dagger into her chest.
The illusion breaks as the memory starts to fade, disappearing with one last look, and the sound of her voice in your ear, You showed me how beautiful the world was.... so why was I so ugly.....?
Claude stumbles back when the hotel comes back into view around them, heart beating and looking spooked. He hated that a lot! ]
she - startles, when the stardust bursts above them, and for a second after she's extremely disoriented. she lets go of him when he stumbles back, but after a moment, she moves forward to gently rest her hand on his arm.]
-- Hey. [she says, after a second, swallowing down the secondhand anguish, the way the memory was so overwhelming.] Hey.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Have you not experienced that before?
no subject
no subject
... I hope you're not still so self-sacrificial.
no subject
ear flicks]
Sure! I'm not.
no subject
[ nudges her chin ]
Was it... atonement, for you?
no subject
her smile drops a little, and then:]
... Well, I think we both know I needed to do something to make up for the shit I was inflicting.
no subject
Even though the individuals there weren't forced to murder?
no subject
no subject
He glances at the wall. ]
So did you? Try to help them out of the situation they'd been brought into?
no subject
... I did. Not that it helped much. The thing got too big, by that point, and we were all under it's influence.
no subject
I'm sorry, Lup. I don't know what cure there is for guilt and remorse— more likely there isn't one. But I hope you know that your suffering isn't it.
no subject
a long pause.]
... I'm trying. [she says finally, glancing at him.] To do that now. To, um - to forgive myself. And not wallow in suffering.
no subject
But sometimes hearing silence when you're suffering can be it's own type of pain. ]
It's not easy. [ He agrees, quiet. ] I feel the weight of everyone that lost their lives in the war because of me constantly. It's not something I'll ever be free of.
And that's alright, I think. There are good days and bad days. Whenever I sink too deep in my self-pity, I try to remember that it's only for my benefit. It doesn't put any good into the world.
no subject
That's a good way to look at it. [she says, finally, with a little smile.] That's really... all I want to do, in the end. Put a little more good in the world.
[a pause, and then she moves to hug him. just a hug, because she appreciates what he's saying to her. this is always easier than words.]
no subject
I don't have any doubt in you, you know.
[ Though he doesn't get much else out, because we're launching into another memory!
Now, she looms above you, a monster.
You're on an abandoned ship that's washed up ashore of a small town, the rotting, brittle wood is unsteady around you as she continues to grow in her grief, the deck splintering under her weight and threatening to throw you and your companions into the water below.
"Claudia, stop! I promise no one here wants to hurt you!"
A lie. You know that Lux will wield her magic again the moment she catches her breath, and that Kon is waiting for the opportunity to bury his sword in her body, but as her panicked cries ring in your head—Claude? Claude?—all you can think is how much you want to salvage this situation. Take her back to being a little girl. She might be a monster now, but she treated you with kindness.
The ship breaks and your lungs fill with water, debris crashing down around you, and even amidst her anguish, she finds you. She treats you gently, carrying you to shore and to safety. None of her tentacles come in your direction, not even when you summon the magic of this world, dark spikes cutting through the ground to slice into her body.
She cries, betrayed, Why...? I just wanted to be with you. You were the only who was kind to me. You were the only who tried to help me. I wanted to see the world with you. I wanted to speak like you. I wanted to read like you. I wanted to eat more snack bars with you...
She doesn't attack you still, as you drag yourself past her monstrous limbs, reaching the part of her that's still a girl, small hands holding a small face as she cries. You kind of want to cry too.
"I know, I know... I'm sorry."
You hate this place—this story. And you hate yourself too, a little, for always betraying those that trust you, when you plunge your dagger into her chest.
The illusion breaks as the memory starts to fade, disappearing with one last look, and the sound of her voice in your ear, You showed me how beautiful the world was.... so why was I so ugly.....?
Claude stumbles back when the hotel comes back into view around them, heart beating and looking spooked. He hated that a lot! ]
no subject
she - startles, when the stardust bursts above them, and for a second after she's extremely disoriented. she lets go of him when he stumbles back, but after a moment, she moves forward to gently rest her hand on his arm.]
-- Hey. [she says, after a second, swallowing down the secondhand anguish, the way the memory was so overwhelming.] Hey.
no subject
For the most part, Claude can take the memories that come in stride. They're old and dusty, and he has practice in pretending they don't effect him.
But this one is still fresh. Still raw and frustrating, and he takes a breath when she settles a hand on his arm. ]
... That really is a terrible one.
no subject
[a beat.] Where was that? Was that at the school? [she keeps holding.]
no subject
It feels kind of stupid to be so affected by something that wasn't even real, you know?
no subject
Those things are built to hurt you. They get you where it hurts. [...] You care a lot more than you let on. It's a good thing.
no subject
... Are you calling me a softie?
no subject
I'm sorry you had to find out this way.
no subject
Terrible news. [ ... ] I'm still getting used to having people that actually want to be in my life.
So, I guess my attempts to care might be a little clumsy still.
no subject
[her trifecta of clown twunks]
Like I said. It's a good thing. You can never care too much - a big heart is the most important thing. [...] Our bonds make us.
no subject
[ ...
He can't resist. ]
I'm pretty impressed that I'm smoother than those two though.
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)