school: nier

[shaft]

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[shaft]

[ He's starting to feel a little self-conscious, discomfort rather apparent. ]

Well, everyone has weaknesses. [ Waves hand. ] But perhaps I could learn a thing or two from you.

[amain]

[ Con...fusion?? Why single him. ]

You're my friend, so I don't think you're failing that much at human relationships.

[shaft]

[ Claude pauses for a moment before laughing because Nier is so cute sometimes. ]

I think you'd be able to charm a rock, my friend. That's not a commentary on my propensity toward relationships as much as it yours.

[amain]

... I'd be very concerned if rocks can be charmed in the first place.

[ Emotion is TIRED, but the joke is still funny. ]

I'm sure there's someone out there that'll accept you and your secrets, Claude. You're lovable enough.

[shaft]

[ Embarrassed...

Tired of being embarrassed, so he just grabs Nier's face and smiles brightly at him. ]

I bet there's someone out there that'll accept all of you too, Nier. You're very lovable.

[amain]

[ STOP. He doesn’t expect being handled, so the short spike of fear and dread to the touch again, but it quickly tapers to embarrassment. Blips of admiration and affection come, too. ]

This isn’t about me?!

[shaft]

[ He's going to make it about you. Though he's not teasing as much anymore, his amusement overshadowed by concern. ]

Nier, do you hate being touched?

[ FYI i hate this line, why does this sound like a bad fanfic someone please help me. ]

[amain]

[ spoon, writing bad fanfic: do you hate being touched

At first, Nier is confused by his question, but realizes his emotions are sometimes megaphoned. Huh. ]

It's just from some bad experiences I had with clients. [ ... ] I don't hate it... I'm better about it now than when I was a kid.

[ quietly, warns you that there are trigger warnings for pressing this. ]

[shaft]

[ stop i will delete all of my tags

Anyway, the concern only Grows, and Claude once again steps back, looking deeply apprehensive. ]

... How young were you when you began mercenary work?

[amain]

Uhm...

[ Nier's expression doesn't change that much, but the emotions are fear? Fear that Claude would think of him differently if he knew the truth. Self-loathing for things he was forced to do. It's a sickening feeling. ]

It wasn't exactly mercenary work, but I was fifteen.

[shaft]

[ The emotions come across loud and clear (thanks emotionshare week!), and Claude can feel an answering unease in his own belly. ]

What happened? You don't have to answer if you don't want to.

cw: child sexual abuse and prostitution

[amain]

[ His lips press into a fine line before he shakes his head. ]

It's fine. It's the past, anyway. [ He rubs his neck. ] For a short time, I sold my body to afford Yonah's more costly medicine. My regular client was... Very aggressive.

[shaft]

[ There aren't really the words with which to describe how Claude's apprehension skyrockets into rage.

He takes another step back, one hand going to cover his face while the other clenches into a fist. ]

That's... I... You shouldn't have had to go through that. I mean, that's obvious. [ Wow! He's actually pretty upset! ] But I do hope you know you deserved so much better than that.

[amain]

[ There's relief that Claude doesn't seem to think of him too differently. Back then, he felt so dirty and inhuman, so this is nice? ]

Thanks, Claude. [ Genuine gratitude, though apologetic. ] I'm doing better now and I don't mind touching, so you don't need to worry about it.

[ He offers a hand!! Come hold. ]

[shaft]

[ ... He looks at him for a moment, anger still simmering alongside hurt.

But he takes the offered hand, squeezing it. ]

There's no stopping my concern. You... [ He sighs. ] You're truly incredible, Nier. If I could erase those experiences somehow, I would.

[amain]

Not sure if I want to be called incredible for stuff like that.

[ See!! No fear here, just puppy-like affection that conveys that he likes the touch. He returns the squeeze and whenever Claude wants to retract his hand, he can.

A sigh. ]

I came here to spend some time with you, but really I made things gloomy.

[shaft]

It is incredible to sacrifice so much for your family, and to come out of it without being bitter.

[ He says that firmly.

He does let go of Nier's hand, but only so that he can draw him into a brief, gentle hug, careful not to overstep his boundaries. ]

You don't need to be cheerful for my sake, if you're feeling gloomy. I believe that's advice you offered to me.

[amain]

[ He laughs a bit... It's very warm in this hug? It makes him feel warm and unfortunately his emotions blare out his obvious crush on this stupid heterosexual. Very bubbly and fizzy like soda pop. ]

I'm not—believe me. [ REALLY. HE CAME HERE FINE? ] This just isn't how I expected our conversation to go...?

[shaft]

[ There is once again slight embarrassment, but Claude powers through it just fine, drawing back to give Nier an amused look. ]

How did you expect it to go then?

[amain]

I don't know... I ask about your life as a bachelor—"ex-bachelor?" If this means Manwol might become royalty, too. Ask what's your actual type? [ Simple and innocent things. ] Then maybe we can talk about home since I'm curious about where you're from...

[ all of this very claude-centric conversation. ]

[shaft]

[ This potential conversation sounds...

He sighs, but it's more an amused huff. ]

Hm.

[ Just grabs Nier's chin. ]

[amain]

[ Isn’t that just the natural way to tease Claude a little?? He mirrors amusement!

Until the grab. Uhm. ]

Something wrong?

[shaft]

[ Stop teasing him?

In any case, Claude's emotions are kind of a muddled mix of embarrassment, uncertainty and excitement, but still he tilts Nier's chin up so that he can press a soft kiss to his lips.

It's warm, and the gesture unfortunately brings fondness to whatever it is that he's feeling, but he doesn't linger long because he didn't exactly ask and doesn't want to be rude. ]

Nope.

[amain]

[ There’s a jitter because he wasn’t expecting this, but it smooths out fast as he realizes something. It doesn’t… Make him feel awful, or guilty. It doesn’t make him feel less of a person, like a tool or a plaything. It’s different from those kisses he had back then because for once it’s a kiss from someone he likes?

…

His eyebrows knit as his face gains more color than usual. Excitement dances between the melodies of endearment, embarrassment, and so much confusion. ]

Is this how conversations go with you?

[ He’s… Just forcing words out of his mouth. For the sake of talking instead of looking like a fucking idiot. ]

[shaft]

Not really.

[ Unfortunately for everyone, Claude finds Nier's embarrassment really cute. He seems just profoundly happy and fond, though there's still a niggling of concern and uncertainty, unable to shake away what Nier had told him quite so soon.

He puts a hand on his cheek, feeling the heat from the colour there before gently pinching the skin there. ]

I wanted to because I care about you. [ He pauses here, contemplative. ] But I have been taking too many liberties lately. You might want to reprimand me.