For my hostage. If I died here without first securing his freedom, it would have been unconscionable. I did not wish to participate in the Nightman's game, but my wishes are irrelevant when defending the Emperor is a matter of duty.
Well. It's a bit complicated. When I accepted joining the Emperor's service, it was with the understanding I would renounce my ties to my House and serve him alone, and that he in turn would make my House prosper again. New citizens, new resources. He fulfilled his bargain, and I agreed never to return there. But I found the Emperor's service rather...dreadful. It is poor of me, and ungrateful. But there came a time on the station when I realized that for everyone else, this experience was the worst of their lives, and for me it was among the best. And I dreaded returning to his side.
I agreed to leave with Molly. And I don't regret that. But neither will I let my House die, even if I know I will never go back. As long as it lives and has a chance, I have fulfilled at least some portion of the bargain my life represents.
Which choice? The one I made to leave? Or the one I made here, to still be beholden to it even when everyone else was trying to - to find another way out.
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[ she wasn't possessed though, was she? ]
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[she frowns.]
For my hostage. If I died here without first securing his freedom, it would have been unconscionable. I did not wish to participate in the Nightman's game, but my wishes are irrelevant when defending the Emperor is a matter of duty.
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Harrow... Are you returning to your home after this? To secure the future of your house?
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Why didn't you return?
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Well. It's a bit complicated. When I accepted joining the Emperor's service, it was with the understanding I would renounce my ties to my House and serve him alone, and that he in turn would make my House prosper again. New citizens, new resources. He fulfilled his bargain, and I agreed never to return there. But I found the Emperor's service rather...dreadful. It is poor of me, and ungrateful. But there came a time on the station when I realized that for everyone else, this experience was the worst of their lives, and for me it was among the best. And I dreaded returning to his side.
I agreed to leave with Molly. And I don't regret that. But neither will I let my House die, even if I know I will never go back. As long as it lives and has a chance, I have fulfilled at least some portion of the bargain my life represents.
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[ he's not particularly surprised that her time in her home world was terrible ]
It's something I think about often myself. To what end you should give your life you duty, and how much to steal for yourself.
Did you ever feel guilty about your choice?
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