[ isn't it smarter for kings to marry for political reasons? though, she thinks dimitri has such a heart that he'd want to marry for love, but he's so duty bound that she thinks it could go either way. she doesn't talk about romance with anyone AND IT HURTS ME. ]
But I think he should marry whoever he wants, especially if it helps him. If you asked me if I like him in that way...
[ she takes a moment to think about it.
it's a long moment. ]
If being around him made my heartrate speed up.... [ she supposes it did when dimitri put her in cardiac arrest by stabbing her three times. ] It may have. Or if there were abnormal changes to my blood pressure or brain waves because of him.... [ she's still thinking. ] Only when I thought he was being particularly obtuse.
I can't deny the physiological reactions to love, but I don't think that's the only method of measurement.
[ though if she can only think about it clinically, that's probably an answer in and of itself?? he has no idea ]
Rather, it's difficult to measure at all given that it's different for everyone. But common threads I've heard are: how much you want that person to be with you, feeling their pain and happiness as your own.
... When you've always been self-sufficient, but now it's difficult to be separated from them.
... some days, I think it's better if I weren't around him, but I worry about his emotional state either way. I am happier when he allows himself to be, and it pains me when he's in pain.
[ which, if you think about who they're talking about, is all the time, but she also feels that way with everyone she likes. her happiness lies with other people. it angers her when things happen to cause pain to others. she's never thought about if it's more or less with dimitri. ]
And I've already prepared to be separated from the people I love, no matter how much I do or don't want to be. [ her expression turns from something thoughtful to something noticeably softer. ] I cherish him, and he is important to me. I want him to be happy.
[ she knows that without having to think about it, but is that romantic?
[ yeah, he can see the trouble there, given just how kind hearted and empathetic she is toward everyone. and it's not as simple as "ranking" who she cares for the most, he doesn't think such a thing is possible, and even then, romance doesn't reign supreme.
he hums. ]
Regardless of dating or whatever, I'm glad that you two have each other. You're a good friend, and I know that Dimitri is too.
[ not that they're friends, but it's easy enough for an outsider to see.
he turns back to the products he was looking at. ]
The only other measure I can think of is a desire for physical intimacy. [ but he is not going to get into that with her... she's a lady. ] But even then people have all sorts of preferences...
I wonder how someone is supposed to know when they're in love?
[ spoken as someone who was super gay for three people ]
I don't know. I can tell when other people are. I think it's easier to see in other people, but if it's not something I've felt before, how am I supposed to know?
[ she's emotionally competent everywhere else because she's an emotional person who tries to process all her emotions even if her anger is always simmering.
it's not like she won't try to figure it out, if she has the time to do such a thing. ]
despite that, Claude looks thoughtful for the most part. ]
It's probably easier to tell for someone like me.
... I feel safe enough to show the worst parts of myself to her. There's nothing that I need to hide, which is contrary to how I've lived pretty much my entire life.
And I've always accepted that I'd live my life alone, but being apart from her has made me feel loneliness probably for the first time. I've never loved anyone or anything to anchor myself to them, but it's like... I can't help it. She's tenacious and strong and terrible, and every part of her is so precious to me. Just thinking about her is enough to soothe any ache.
[ he's starting to talk to himself a little, so he blinks to come back to the conversation. ]
That can also describe a dear friend. But I don't think I'd want marriage and a family with one of my friends.
[ it's very sweet, listening to him, how contemplative but genuine he is like this. she may not know what romance feels like herself, but that doesn't mean she's blind and can't see what it looks like in other people.
she hopes he says these things to the person he loves (delusional). ]
It sounds like you're better with her than without. It's lovely that she can give you that kind of comfort even when she's not with you.
We'd only been in a relationship for two weeks before I came here, and we've both had our entire lives upheaved so... I think there's a lot for us to figure out before that.
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no subject
[ isn't it smarter for kings to marry for political reasons? though, she thinks dimitri has such a heart that he'd want to marry for love, but he's so duty bound that she thinks it could go either way. she doesn't talk about romance with anyone AND IT HURTS ME. ]
But I think he should marry whoever he wants, especially if it helps him. If you asked me if I like him in that way...
[ she takes a moment to think about it.
it's a long moment. ]
If being around him made my heartrate speed up.... [ she supposes it did when dimitri put her in cardiac arrest by stabbing her three times. ] It may have. Or if there were abnormal changes to my blood pressure or brain waves because of him.... [ she's still thinking. ] Only when I thought he was being particularly obtuse.
no subject
manwol help him ]
I can't deny the physiological reactions to love, but I don't think that's the only method of measurement.
[ though if she can only think about it clinically, that's probably an answer in and of itself?? he has no idea ]
Rather, it's difficult to measure at all given that it's different for everyone. But common threads I've heard are: how much you want that person to be with you, feeling their pain and happiness as your own.
... When you've always been self-sufficient, but now it's difficult to be separated from them.
no subject
she thinks over what he says. ]
... some days, I think it's better if I weren't around him, but I worry about his emotional state either way. I am happier when he allows himself to be, and it pains me when he's in pain.
[ which, if you think about who they're talking about, is all the time, but she also feels that way with everyone she likes. her happiness lies with other people. it angers her when things happen to cause pain to others. she's never thought about if it's more or less with dimitri. ]
And I've already prepared to be separated from the people I love, no matter how much I do or don't want to be. [ her expression turns from something thoughtful to something noticeably softer. ] I cherish him, and he is important to me. I want him to be happy.
[ she knows that without having to think about it, but is that romantic?
when she wants everyone to be able to be happy. ]
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he hums. ]
Regardless of dating or whatever, I'm glad that you two have each other. You're a good friend, and I know that Dimitri is too.
[ not that they're friends, but it's easy enough for an outsider to see.
he turns back to the products he was looking at. ]
The only other measure I can think of is a desire for physical intimacy. [ but he is not going to get into that with her... she's a lady. ] But even then people have all sorts of preferences...
I wonder how someone is supposed to know when they're in love?
[ spoken as someone who was super gay for three people ]
no subject
[ she's emotionally competent everywhere else because she's an emotional person who tries to process all her emotions even if her anger is always simmering.
it's not like she won't try to figure it out, if she has the time to do such a thing. ]
Are you in love with anyone?
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[ SO EMBARRASSING ]
You'd think I could offer you clearer advice, but I don't know. I just knew it was love.
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It's all right. You don't have to offer me advice. How did you know?
[ just tell her about it. ]
no subject
despite that, Claude looks thoughtful for the most part. ]
It's probably easier to tell for someone like me.
... I feel safe enough to show the worst parts of myself to her. There's nothing that I need to hide, which is contrary to how I've lived pretty much my entire life.
And I've always accepted that I'd live my life alone, but being apart from her has made me feel loneliness probably for the first time. I've never loved anyone or anything to anchor myself to them, but it's like... I can't help it. She's tenacious and strong and terrible, and every part of her is so precious to me. Just thinking about her is enough to soothe any ache.
[ he's starting to talk to himself a little, so he blinks to come back to the conversation. ]
That can also describe a dear friend. But I don't think I'd want marriage and a family with one of my friends.
🔪🔪🔪
she hopes he says these things to the person he loves (delusional). ]
It sounds like you're better with her than without. It's lovely that she can give you that kind of comfort even when she's not with you.
Are you going to marry her once this is over?
so mean...
the question makes him think ]
We'd only been in a relationship for two weeks before I came here, and we've both had our entire lives upheaved so... I think there's a lot for us to figure out before that.
But maybe some day.
you deserve it
Two weeks, and you already feel so strongly for her.
[ it's not judgment or anything like that. it's an observation. people loving each other is a wonderful thing. ]
I hope you two can sort out your lives together for as long as possible.
[ she doesn't know manwol is a ghost. ]