[ . . . mikazuki's next smile is - sincere, but it is not joyful. there is an understanding to it, and a sadness.
he will not linger, because the point of the question really wasn't to make claude uncomfortable. but rather because at least to some degree, mikazuki cannot bear his soul to someone who does not show at least some trust in him.
... or well, he can. but only to one person in particular.]
.... this heart knows only to mourn. Some may say that it is a gift, for a treasure to survive through the centuries with so little damage upon its blade. But for a sword to go unused... for a sword to be given as an heirloom from family to family...
It must witness the demise of its masters. The fall of empires. The destruction of other blades, again and again.
[ . . . ]
So why did I not check after Kim Dokja and Aikawa? Was my pride so great that I could not spare a thought for them? Why is it that abandoning those that I consider friends came so easily for a time, when -
[when I would rather die trying to save them?
a beat. a breathe.]
... For now, I am Mikazuki Munechika, as I always have been.
But until I am certain that my heart is returned to me, I shall limit both my ability and my contact with others.
[hence the avoiding healing, and the lack of engagement]
[ There are several layers that separate the two of them: the sheer length of Mikazuki's life, all that he's lived and experienced; and the fact that, despite his body and his voice, he's not... human. Instead forged with purpose, and lived long as an object.
He wonders. ]
I won't claim to be an expert in these matters, but that seems a little counterproductive.
[ He only has his limited 23 years of experience with which to bridge the gap, but there's nothing gained without effort. ]
Isn't it proximity to others that'll help settle your heart?
... blue lights. First, they forced us to scatter to different locations upon an island. Second, they set a mansion aflame. Third, they seemed to displace us when we were scaling a cliffside... and that is when the emotion was strongest.
Once time reversed and looped again, however, it became... less overt. But still present.
[for someone else who believes that they will always be alone, it is a curious sentiment to give mikazuki - who by nature of always being the one to survive, is similarly always alone]
I believe... many will seek to look after me. Even if at the moment I do not believe it wise, and so I will rebuff after a time...
Dimitri does frustrate me. And another, from Wiwaldi. She was too quick to tend to others and neglected herself. Too many years of being taught that she wasn't worth as much as others.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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[he really doesn't mind]
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Is that what you feel happened to you?
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Who's to say?
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Would you answer your own question?
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[he's curious
is the distrust generalized, or is it toward mikazuki himself?
well, he's used to the latter]
I would.
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[ but it drove to into discomfort territory, hackles rising instinctively
now though, he seems mostly concerned ]
What happened?
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I shall give my own freely afterward.
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Then I'd have to say...
You'd find someone who has been and always will be alone.
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he will not linger, because the point of the question really wasn't to make claude uncomfortable. but rather because at least to some degree, mikazuki cannot bear his soul to someone who does not show at least some trust in him.
... or well, he can. but only to one person in particular.]
.... this heart knows only to mourn. Some may say that it is a gift, for a treasure to survive through the centuries with so little damage upon its blade. But for a sword to go unused... for a sword to be given as an heirloom from family to family...
It must witness the demise of its masters. The fall of empires. The destruction of other blades, again and again.
[ . . . ]
So why did I not check after Kim Dokja and Aikawa? Was my pride so great that I could not spare a thought for them? Why is it that abandoning those that I consider friends came so easily for a time, when -
[when I would rather die trying to save them?
a beat. a breathe.]
... For now, I am Mikazuki Munechika, as I always have been.
But until I am certain that my heart is returned to me, I shall limit both my ability and my contact with others.
[hence the avoiding healing, and the lack of engagement]
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He wonders. ]
I won't claim to be an expert in these matters, but that seems a little counterproductive.
[ He only has his limited 23 years of experience with which to bridge the gap, but there's nothing gained without effort. ]
Isn't it proximity to others that'll help settle your heart?
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[it's why mikazuki loves being with others, normally, enjoying a good round of chaos instead of just tranquility and peace without end]
Not when I do not trust I might turn my blade against them.
[it's why he's not even letting claude too close. ya never know, man. it's a murder hotel]
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Would you explain what brought about this change?
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[he tries to remember, pinpointing the moments]
... blue lights. First, they forced us to scatter to different locations upon an island. Second, they set a mansion aflame. Third, they seemed to displace us when we were scaling a cliffside... and that is when the emotion was strongest.
Once time reversed and looped again, however, it became... less overt. But still present.
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he just sighs ]
I... see. [ ... ] Mikazuki, I don't mean to be indelicate, but did you get any information or a hint about this place?
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[like it would be such a fucking great distraction from talking about his feelings and injuries]
Though I will discuss it further with Kim Dokja and Aikawa, once I feel repaired, and see if we can glean anything from it.
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he just nods. ]
You don't need to answer but... are you keeping your distance from Tsuru too?
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He would not allow it. He would remain outside my door until curfew came for us, and I do not wish for him to be alone in the hallway.
And if any could stop my blade, I believe it to be him.
[jiji: i think tsuru would understand about breaking me if it came to it]
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anyway damn, claude is like yeah i do ship these grandpas and i will kill dimitri for homewrecking them. ]
... I'm glad then, that you're not entirely alone. You shouldn't be after shouldering hardship.
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... you are kind, Claude.
[for someone else who believes that they will always be alone, it is a curious sentiment to give mikazuki - who by nature of always being the one to survive, is similarly always alone]
I believe... many will seek to look after me. Even if at the moment I do not believe it wise, and so I will rebuff after a time...
The sentiment is one I treasure.
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Yeah, the people here do care for others with no benefit to themselves. Sometimes to their own detriment.
To be honest, I find it pretty amazing. To have such a resilient heart, you know?
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There are a great many sacrifices and choices that people might make - for the sake of that which they care for.
Is it not then all the more important, to protect the happiness of those who care so little for their own?
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... a longer battle, for certain.
Though not impossible. Do any in particular draw your ire?
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Dimitri does frustrate me. And another, from Wiwaldi. She was too quick to tend to others and neglected herself. Too many years of being taught that she wasn't worth as much as others.
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he smiles again, some of his usual demeanor returning as they venture back to safer topics]
Shall I share my counsel? Or my opinion?
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